Never Date Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: What You Should Know

Are you considering dating someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD)? It’s important to be aware of the unique challenges and struggles that can arise in these relationships. While it’s true that dating someone with BPD can be difficult, it’s not impossible to have a healthy and fulfilling partnership with proper understanding and support.

In this comprehensive guide, we will explore what borderline personality disorder is, the traits and symptoms associated with BPD, and whether you should consider dating someone with this condition. We will also provide valuable insights and effective strategies for maintaining a healthy relationship with a person diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Let’s dive in!

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Borderline personality disorder is a complex mental health condition characterized by intense emotions, difficulty in managing relationships, and overall emotional instability. People with BPD often experience extreme mood swings and struggle with regulating their emotions, particularly anger and rage. They may also have a deep fear of abandonment and engage in self-destructive behaviors.

It’s important to note that not every person with BPD is the same, and they are not inherently bad people. While borderline personality disorder can present challenges in relationships, it’s crucial to approach the condition with empathy and understanding.

Traits and Symptoms of BPD

To better understand BPD, let’s explore some of the common traits and symptoms associated with this condition:

1. Emotional instability: Individuals with BPD often experience intense and rapidly changing emotions, making it challenging for them to return to a stable emotional state.
2. Fear of abandonment: People with BPD may have an intense fear of being abandoned by their loved ones. This fear can lead to clinginess and efforts to avoid abandonment, even in situations where it is not warranted.
3. Impulsive behavior: BPD can manifest in impulsive actions such as reckless driving, substance abuse, binge eating, or engaging in unsafe sexual behavior.
4. Chronic feelings of emptiness: Those with BPD may experience a persistent sense of emptiness and emotional pain that is difficult to alleviate.
5. Intense anger: Individuals with BPD may struggle with managing anger and may experience explosive outbursts disproportionate to the triggering event.

It’s important to remember that each person with borderline personality disorder may exhibit a unique combination of these traits, and symptoms can vary in intensity.

Should You Date Someone with BPD?

Deciding whether to date someone with BPD is a personal choice that requires careful consideration. While it’s true that borderline personality disorder relationships can be challenging, it’s essential to approach the decision with empathy and self-awareness. Here are some factors to consider:

1. Understanding and support: Are you willing to educate yourself about BPD and provide the necessary emotional support for your partner? It’s crucial to have a genuine desire to understand their experiences and be patient with their emotional ups and downs.
2. Personal boundaries: Establishing and maintaining personal boundaries is crucial when dating someone with BPD. It’s important to have a clear understanding of your own limits and communicate them effectively.

3. Seeking professional help: BPD can greatly benefit from counseling and therapy. If your partner is actively seeking treatment and committed to managing their symptoms, it can significantly improve the chances of a healthy relationship.

4. Open communication: Building a foundation of open and honest communication is essential in any relationship, but particularly when dating someone with BPD. Being able to discuss emotions, needs, and concerns openly can foster understanding and strengthen the relationship.

It’s important to note that dating someone with BPD requires a significant investment of time, energy, and emotional support. If you are not prepared to navigate the unique challenges that can arise, it may be best to reconsider pursuing a romantic relationship.

Suggestion for read: The 12 Traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Building a Healthy Relationship with Someone with BPD

If you have decided to enter into a relationship with someone with BPD, it’s crucial to approach the journey with compassion and patience. Here are some strategies for maintaining a healthy relationship:

1. Educate Yourself

Take the time to educate yourself about borderline personality disorder. Understanding the condition and its symptoms can help you navigate the challenges that may arise in your relationship. Read books, articles, and seek professional guidance to enhance your knowledge.

2. Practice Empathy and Understanding

Empathy is key when dating someone with borderline personality disorder. Try to put yourself in their shoes and understand the emotions and struggles they may be experiencing. Be patient and compassionate, even during difficult times.

3. Set and Respect Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries for yourself and communicate them openly with your partner. It’s important to prioritize your own well-being and ensure that you are not compromising your values or boundaries in the relationship.

4. Encourage Therapy and Treatment

Support your partner in seeking therapy or counseling. BPD can greatly benefit from specialized therapies such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) or cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). Encourage your partner to engage in treatment and offer to attend sessions together if appropriate.

5. Foster Open Communication

Create a safe space for open and honest communication. Encourage your partner to express their emotions and concerns without judgment. Active listening and validating their feelings can help strengthen your connection.

6. Practice Self-Care

Self-care is crucial when dating someone with borderline personality disorder. Prioritize your own mental and emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and maintaining a support system of friends and family.

7. Seek Support for Yourself

Consider seeking support for yourself through individual therapy or support groups. Having a space to process your own emotions and seek guidance can be invaluable when navigating a relationship with someone with BPD.

8. Be Patient and Flexible

Recognize that progress may take time, and setbacks are a normal part of the journey. Be patient with your partner and practice flexibility as you navigate the ups and downs of their condition.

9. Practice Emotional Regulation Techniques

Learn techniques for emotional regulation that can benefit both you and your partner. These may include mindfulness exercises, deep breathing, or journaling. Developing these skills can help manage stress and promote emotional well-being.

10. Celebrate Progress

Acknowledge and celebrate the progress your partner makes in managing their symptoms. Recognize their efforts and provide positive reinforcement for their growth and development.

11. Build a Support Network

Create a support network of friends, family, and professionals who can offer guidance and understanding. Sharing experiences and seeking advice from others who have navigated similar relationships can be incredibly helpful.

12. Practice Self-Reflection

Regularly reflect on your own emotional well-being and the dynamics of the relationship. Be honest with yourself about your needs, boundaries, and overall satisfaction. Regular self-reflection can help ensure that the relationship remains healthy for both you and your partner.

Why You Should Not Date Someone with BPD?

While dating someone with BPD can be rewarding, it’s important to acknowledge the potential challenges that can arise. Here are a few reasons why some individuals may choose not to pursue a relationship with someone with borderline personality disorder:

1. Intense emotional volatility: The extreme mood swings and emotional intensity associated with BPD can be overwhelming for some individuals.
2. Struggles with trust and abandonment: People with BPD often have deep-seated fears of abandonment, which can impact the stability and trustworthiness of the relationship.
3. Self-destructive behaviors: Individuals with BPD may engage in self-destructive behaviors such as self-harm or substance abuse, which can be difficult to witness and navigate.
4. Need for professional support: BPD often requires ongoing therapy and treatment. Some individuals may not feel equipped to provide the necessary support or prefer not to take on that responsibility.
5. Impact on personal well-being: Dating someone with BPD can be emotionally demanding and may have an impact on your own mental and emotional well-being. It’s important to prioritize self-care and assess whether the relationship is beneficial for both parties.

Why Do BPD Relationships Often Not Work?

BPD relationships can be challenging for a variety of reasons. The intense emotions, impulsive behaviors, and fear of abandonment that are characteristic of borderline personality disorder can create instability and strain in the relationship. Additionally, the need for ongoing therapy and treatment can be demanding for both partners.

It’s important to remember that every relationship is unique, and some individuals may find success in navigating relationships with someone with BPD. However, it’s crucial to approach the relationship with a realistic understanding of the potential challenges that may arise.

Trauma From Dating Someone with BPD

Dating someone with borderline personality disorder can sometimes result in emotional trauma for both partners. The intense mood swings, impulsive behaviors, and fear of abandonment can create a turbulent environment that takes a toll on both individuals. It’s important to prioritize your own emotional well-being and seek support if you have experienced trauma in the relationship.

Final Thoughts

Dating someone with borderline personality disorder can be a complex and challenging journey. While it’s true that BPD relationships require understanding, patience, and support, it’s possible to have a healthy and fulfilling partnership with proper care and commitment. Remember to prioritize your own well-being and seek professional help when needed. With empathy, open communication, and a willingness to grow together, you can navigate the unique challenges and build a strong and lasting relationship with someone diagnosed with BPD.

Inquire Talk is committed to supporting individuals in navigating the complexities of mental health concerns. Our online counseling services provide a convenient and accessible way to seek professional support. Our licensed therapists and counselors specialize in addressing various mental health concerns, including borderline personality disorder. With Inquire Talk, you can prioritize your mental well-being and take the first step towards a happier and more fulfilling life.

Here are few certified therapists who you can get in touch and book a therapy session with:

Julie Gravelle

Georgina Lynch

Zori Litova