Learn How to Give a Hickey

A hickey, also known as a kiss mark or love bite, is a temporary bruise caused by sucking or aggressively kissing someone’s skin, resulting in broken blood vessels beneath the surface. Often appearing on the neck, earlobes, or other exposed areas, hickeys are a mark of passion and physical affirmation between partners. However, to receiving or give a hickey requires explicit consent beforehand and should never be seen as a sign of ownership.

This guide will provide a step-by-step explanation on how to give a hickey, including obtaining consent, preparing the area, proper suction technique, alternative locations like the breast, and tips for minimizing visibility and ensuring safety. Whether for your boyfriend or girlfriend, learn how to create a temporary love bite safely and consensually.

Obtaining Consent

Obtaining consent is a crucial step before you give a hickey to someone. It’s essential to have an open and respectful discussion with your partner about their comfort level and preferences regarding visible marks or love bites. Here are some key points to consider:

1. Clear Communication: Clearly express your desire to give a hickey and allow your partner to respond without any pressure or coercion. Make it evident that it’s okay for them to say “no” without any negative consequences.
2. Establish Boundaries: If your partner consents, discuss any boundaries or limitations they may have regarding the location, intensity, or visibility of the hickey. Some individuals may prefer discreet areas, while others may be comfortable with more visible marks.
3. Respect Their Choice: If your partner declines or expresses discomfort with receiving a hickey, respect their decision without argument or persuasion. Consent is an ongoing process, and it’s essential to respect their autonomy and bodily autonomy at all times.

Remember, consent is not only about obtaining permission but also about creating an environment of mutual understanding, respect, and trust. Open communication and respecting your partner’s boundaries are key to ensuring a safe and enjoyable intimate experience for both of you.

Preparing the Area

Before you give a hickey, it’s essential to create an intimate and passionate atmosphere. Start by building tension through kissing and caressing your partner’s body. As the mood intensifies, gradually move your kisses towards the desired area, such as the neck or collarbone.

1. Foreplay: Engage in foreplay to heighten arousal and desire. This can include sensual touching, kissing, and exploring each other’s erogenous zones.
2. Neck and Collarbone Area: Once your partner is sufficiently aroused, shift your focus to the neck and collarbone area. Gently kiss and nibble these areas, paying attention to your partner’s responses and preferences.
3. Positioning: Ensure that both you and your partner are in a comfortable position that allows easy access to the desired area. Consider lying down or sitting in a way that minimizes strain or discomfort during the process.

Remember, proper preparation not only sets the mood but also ensures that both partners are fully engaged and consenting throughout the experience.

Suction Technique

To create a hickey, follow these steps for the suction technique:

1. Build Tension: Start by building anticipation through gentle kissing and caressing the desired area, such as the neck or collarbone. This will increase blood flow to the surface of the skin.
2. Prepare for Suction: Once your partner is sufficiently aroused, position your slightly parted lips on the skin. Ensure your lips create a tight seal around the area.
3. Suction and Sucking: Inhale deeply, then suck firmly on the skin for 20-30 seconds. This suction will cause the capillaries beneath the skin’s surface to rupture, resulting in a bruise or hickey.
4. Avoid Teeth and Excess Saliva: Be careful not to use your teeth, as this can cause discomfort or injury. Additionally, control the amount of saliva to avoid a messy appearance.
5. Repeat for Desired Intensity: The hickey will initially appear light pink or red. To make it darker, ranging from purple to deep purple, repeat the suction process in the same or a different location.
6. Finish with Gentle Kisses: After achieving the desired intensity, end the process by gently kissing the area. This can help soothe any residual discomfort.

Remember, the suction technique should be performed with care and consent, ensuring a pleasurable and safe experience for both partners.

Alternative Locations to Give a Hickey

While the neck and collarbone are common areas for hickeys, there are alternative locations to consider based on personal preferences and discretion levels.

Less Visible Areas

If you or your partner prefer to keep hickeys hidden, consider placing them in less visible areas such as:

1. Inner Thighs: The inner thigh area is a discreet location that can easily be concealed by clothing.
2. Stomach/Abdomen: The stomach or lower abdomen can be an intimate spot to give a hickey, hidden beneath shirts or dresses.
3. Back of the Neck: The back of the neck, near the hairline, is a subtle area that can be covered by hairstyles or collars.

More Adventurous Spots

For those who are open to more adventurous locations, hickeys can also be placed in areas like:

• Breasts/Chest: While more intimate, hickeys on the breasts or chest area can add an extra element of passion.
• Inner Wrists: A hickey on the inner wrist can be a discreet yet visible reminder of intimacy.
• Lower Back: The lower back can be an unexpected and sensual spot for a hickey.

Remember, the location choice should align with both partners’ comfort levels and preferences. Open communication and respect for boundaries are key to ensuring a safe and enjoyable experience.

Hickey Appearance

A hickey is a visible bruise that results from sucking or aggressively kissing the skin, causing small blood vessels beneath the surface to rupture and leak blood into the surrounding tissue. The appearance of a hickey evolves over time as the body’s natural healing process takes place.

Suggestion for read: How to Last Longer in Bed

Hickey Stages

1. Initial Stage (0-10 minutes): A hickey will initially appear as a reddish or pinkish mark on the skin, indicating the rupture of capillaries and the leakage of blood.
2. Dark Stage (1-2 days): Within 1-2 days, the hickey will appear darker, ranging from purple to deep purple or reddish-blue. This color change occurs as the hemoglobin in the leaked blood breaks down and oxidizes.
3. Fading Stage (4-5 days): By days 4-5, the hickey will start to fade in some spots and appear blotchy or uneven in color. The bruise will transition from purple to greenish-blue or yellowish-brown hues.
4. Healing Stage (1-2 weeks): Within 1-2 weeks, the hickey will continue to fade, turning a light yellowish or brownish color before disappearing completely as the body reabsorbs the leaked blood.

The duration and intensity of a hickey can vary depending on factors such as the individual’s skin type, circulation, and the force applied during the sucking process. People with lower iron levels or thinner skin may be more prone to developing visible and long-lasting hickeys.

Duration and Healing

The duration of a hickey can vary, but typically, it takes anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks for a hickey to fully heal and fade away. The healing process involves several stages, and the time it takes can depend on factors such as the severity of the hickey, the individual’s skin tone, and the effectiveness of any remedies used.

1. Initial Healing (1-2 days): During the first 1-2 days, it’s recommended to apply a cold compress or ice pack to the hickey. This helps reduce swelling and inflammation by slowing the flow of blood from the damaged vessels.
2. Intermediate Healing (2-3 days): After the initial 2 days, switch to applying a warm compress or heat pack to the area. This increased blood flow can help speed up the healing process and aid in the fading of the hickey.
3. Fading and Final Healing (4-14 days): Over the next several days to a couple of weeks, the hickey will gradually fade through various color changes, transitioning from purple to greenish-blue, yellowish-brown, and eventually disappearing as the body reabsorbs the leaked blood.

Several home remedies and topical treatments can potentially aid in speeding up the healing process and reducing the appearance of a hickey:

It’s important to note that while these remedies may help, their effectiveness can vary from person to person. If a hickey persists for an unusually long time, causes significant discomfort, or is accompanied by other concerning symptoms, it’s advisable to consult a healthcare professional.

Minimizing Visibility

If you prefer to keep a hickey discreet or hidden from view, there are several techniques you can employ to minimize its visibility:

Makeup and Concealer

1. Color Correcting: Apply a yellow-toned color corrector to neutralize the purple/blue hues of the hickey, followed by a green-tinted corrector to counteract any redness. This will help neutralize the discoloration.
2. Concealer Application: Once the color has been corrected, apply a concealer that matches your skin tone over the hickey area, blending it well into the surrounding skin. For extra coverage, you can follow up with a light layer of foundation.
3. Reapplication: Hickeys can be stubborn, so you may need to reapply concealer or makeup throughout the day to maintain coverage.

Clothing and Accessories

1. Strategic Layering: Wear clothing that covers the hickey, such as turtlenecks, scarves, or hoodies. Draping a scarf or sweater over your shoulders can also help conceal the area.
2. Hairstyling: If the hickey is on your neck, consider wearing your hair down or styling it in a way that covers the affected area.
3. Distractions: Wearing eye-catching accessories or bold outfits can help divert attention away from the hickey.

Home Remedies

1. Cold Compress: Applying ice or a cold compress to the hickey can help reduce swelling and minimize its appearance.
2. Heat and Massage: Gently massaging the hickey with heat and pressure can aid in breaking up the blood clot and improving circulation, potentially speeding up the healing process [11][9].
3. Topical Treatments: Arnica cream, aloe vera gel, or vitamin K creams may help reduce the appearance of bruising and promote faster healing when applied topically [9].

Remember, while these techniques can help conceal or minimize a hickey’s visibility, the most effective approach is to prevent unwanted hickeys in the first place by communicating boundaries and obtaining explicit consent from your partner.

Safety Considerations

Giving or receiving a hickey can be an intimate and passionate experience, but it’s crucial to prioritize safety and respect throughout the process. Here are some important safety considerations to keep in mind:

1. Respect Your Partner’s Boundaries: As mentioned earlier, obtaining explicit consent is essential before giving a hickey. If your partner expresses discomfort or asks you to stop at any point, respect their wishes immediately without argument or persuasion. Continuing without consent can be harmful and damaging to the trust and intimacy in your relationship.
2. Avoid Excessive Suction or Force: While some suction is necessary to create a hickey, excessive force or prolonged sucking can cause significant bruising, pain, or even tissue damage. Use gentle suction and monitor your partner’s reactions to ensure their comfort and safety.
3. Be Mindful of Sensitive Areas: Certain areas of the body, such as the neck, can be more sensitive or prone to injury. Exercise caution when giving hickeys in these areas, and avoid applying excessive pressure or suction near major blood vessels or delicate tissues.
4. Maintain Good Hygiene: Ensure good oral hygiene before engaging in any intimate activities involving the mouth or skin. Proper dental care and avoiding open sores or cuts in the mouth can help prevent the transmission of infections or bacteria.

Remember, giving or receiving a hickey should be a consensual and enjoyable experience for both partners. Prioritizing safety, communication, and respect is essential to ensure a positive and healthy intimate relationship.

Conclusion

Learning how to give a hickey can be an intimate and passionate experience, but it’s crucial to prioritize safety, consent, and mutual respect throughout the process. By following the guidelines outlined in this article, including obtaining explicit consent, preparing the area, using proper suction technique, considering alternative locations, understanding the hickey’s appearance and healing process, and minimizing visibility, you can ensure a positive and enjoyable experience for both partners.

At the same time, it’s essential to maintain open communication, establish boundaries, and prioritize your partner’s comfort and well-being. At Inquire Talk, we understand the significance of mental health and well-being in fostering healthy relationships. Our dedicated team of therapists offers online counseling, therapy, and psychotherapy services to individuals seeking support and assistance. Remember, a healthy and fulfilling intimate relationship is built on a foundation of trust, respect, and genuine care for one another.

FAQs

1. How can someone learn to give a hickey?
   To teach someone to give a hickey, instruct them to create a gentle suction by inhaling softly while kissing the targeted area. They should breathe out through their nose and in through their mouth to slightly enhance the suction strength. Maintaining the mouth’s position for about 30 seconds will effectively create the hickey.
2. What is the best way to give a hickey that is also pleasurable?
   To ensure that giving a hickey is enjoyable, follow these steps:

• Confirm that the person is comfortable with receiving a hickey.
• Gradually build up the intensity by first kissing and nibbling on their neck.
• Vary your actions between kissing, light nibbling, and gentle sucking.
• Start with light suction to gauge the sensitivity of their skin.
• Alternate between different intensities and techniques based on their response.

3. What are the different stages of a hickey’s appearance?
   A hickey progresses through several stages:

• Initially, the blood trapped under the skin appears dark red.
• As the blood dries, the hickey darkens to a purple or brown shade.
• As the hickey heals, it may fade to a yellowish color, similar to other types of bruises.

4. How can you give a hickey without leaving a mark?
   To give a hickey without leaving a noticeable mark, use the following technique:

• Gently suck on the skin without involving your teeth, as they can cause pain and leave unwanted marks.
• Instead of continuous suction, try applying it in intervals—suck for about 10 seconds, intersperse with kissing, and repeat as necessary.
• Be mindful to control the amount of saliva in your mouth during the process.

Here are few certified therapists who you can get in touch and book a therapy session with:

Gareth Strangemore-Jones

Daniel Bateman

Amy Stoddard Ajayi