8 Effective tips for Marital Problems in Military Life: A Soldier’s Perspective

Military life presents a unique set of challenges that can strain even the strongest relationships. For soldiers and their spouses, navigating the demands of military service and maintaining a healthy marriage requires resilience, open communication, and a strong support system. The transient nature of military lifestyle, coupled with long deployments and the psychological effects of combat exposure, can take a toll on intimacy, trust, and overall marital satisfaction.

The rigors of military life, including frequent relocations, extended separation due to deployments, and the ever-present risk of injury or loss, can exacerbate marital strain and emotional distress. Reintegrating into family life after deployment can be a daunting process for both soldiers and their loved ones, often leading to feelings of disconnect and difficulties readjusting to the civilian world. Seeking professional counseling, leveraging community resources, and fostering a supportive network can be invaluable for military couples navigating these hurdles.

The Dual Lives of Soldiers

Military service demands a delicate balance between personal and professional lives, posing unique challenges for soldiers and their marital relationships. According to the U.S. Department of Defense’s 2019 statistics, approximately 50% of service members are married, with at least 7% being in dual-military marriages where both partners serve actively.

Balancing Personal and Professional Lives

Striking a harmonious work-life balance is a significant hurdle for warfighters. More than half of active-duty and reserve forces have family responsibilities, juggling their roles as partners, parents, or caregivers alongside their military duties. This dichotomy can lead to conflicts, as events or emotions from one aspect of life inevitably spill over into the other.

Work-to-family conflict arises when the demands of military service interfere with family life. Negative experiences at work, coupled with the stress of deployment, relocations, and safety concerns, can contribute to depression, anxiety, and strained relationships at home. Conversely, family-to-work conflict occurs when family demands hinder the fulfillment of professional responsibilities, impacting job performance.

The Unique Challenges in a Soldier’s Marital Life

While all marriages face ups and downs, military marriages encounter distinct practical and emotional challenges. Frequent deployments, often lasting months or years, can lead to prolonged separations, disrupting intimacy and communication. Relocations and irregular schedules can further strain relationships, making it difficult to maintain connections and find quality time together.

Moreover, the emotional toll of military service can be significant. Spouses may experience fear, anxiety, and loneliness during deployments, while soldiers grapple with the trauma of combat, loss of comrades, or service-related stressors. Financial strain, role shifts, and the need to rebuild intimacy after reintegration can also test the resilience of military couples.

Effective communication is crucial for navigating these challenges. Military spouses must openly discuss their fears, concerns, and needs, validating each other’s perspectives even during disagreements. Finding ways to stay connected, such as video calls, letter writing, or shared activities, can help maintain emotional bonds despite physical distance.

Emotional Toll

The emotional toll of military service can be immense, affecting not only the soldiers but also their families and loved ones. One of the most significant challenges faced by military personnel is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

PTSD is a mental health condition that can develop after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event, such as combat, a natural disaster, or a terrorist attack. Symptoms of PTSD can include flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, and uncontrollable thoughts about the traumatic event. For soldiers, the risk of developing PTSD is heightened due to the nature of their work and exposure to life-threatening situations.

PTSD can have a profound impact on a soldier’s emotional well-being and relationships. Veterans with PTSD are more likely to experience marital or relationship problems, parenting difficulties, and poor family functioning. They may struggle with intimacy, emotional expression, and communication with their partners. Additionally, PTSD has been linked to an increased risk of domestic violence and aggression within families.

Coping Mechanisms for Soldiers

Coping with the emotional toll of military service is crucial for soldiers and their families. Here are some strategies that can help:

1. Seek professional help: If PTSD symptoms persist for more than four to six weeks, it is advisable to seek professional help from a mental health care professional. Military installations often have family service centers or counseling services available.
2. Join support groups: Connecting with others who have gone through similar experiences can provide a sense of understanding and support. Support groups for military spouses and families can be invaluable resources.
3. Practice self-care: Engaging in relaxing activities, exercising regularly, and maintaining a healthy diet can help manage stress and promote emotional well-being.
4. Communicate openly: Open and honest communication with loved ones is essential. Sharing thoughts and feelings can help prevent isolation and strengthen relationships.
5. Limit media exposure: Excessive exposure to news coverage or social media related to traumatic events can exacerbate symptoms. It’s important to limit exposure and prioritize self-care.
6. Seek community support: Engaging in community activities, volunteering, or participating in social events can provide a sense of purpose and connection, which can be beneficial for coping with emotional challenges.

It’s crucial to remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. By addressing the emotional toll of military service, soldiers and their families can build resilience and maintain healthy relationships.

Marital Strain

The rigors of military life can exert immense strain on marital relationships, leading to communication breakdowns and emotional disconnection. Here, we delve into the impact on spouses and the challenges in maintaining open and effective communication.

Impact on Spouses

Spouses of military personnel often grapple with the realities of their partner’s service, including frequent relocations, extended separations during deployments, and the ever-present risk of injury or loss. These factors can contribute to high levels of anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), taking a toll on their mental health and overall well-being.

Moreover, military spouses frequently face disruptions in their own careers and educational pursuits. The constant need to move and the lack of a robust support system can hinder their ability to maintain career longevity or advance professionally. This can lead to frustration, a sense of lost identity, and financial strain, further compounding the marital strain.

Communication Breakdowns

Effective communication is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships, but military couples often face significant barriers in this regard. During deployments, service members may have limited access to communication channels, making it challenging to stay connected with their spouses and families. Even when communication is possible, there may be restrictions on the topics that can be discussed, leading to a sense of emotional distance.

Furthermore, the trauma and stress associated with military service can manifest in emotional numbing or withdrawal, making it difficult for service members to open up and share their experiences with their partners. This emotional detachment can be misinterpreted by spouses as a reflection of their relationship, leading to feelings of abandonment, sadness, and loneliness.

Reintegration after deployment can also present communication challenges. Couples may experience a “honeymoon period” where serious topics are avoided, and service members evade conversations about their wartime experiences.

This avoidance can stem from a desire to protect their partners from additional worry or a reluctance to confront the emotional toll of their service.

To navigate these communication barriers, military couples must make conscious efforts to prioritize open and honest dialogue. Seeking professional counseling, joining support groups, and fostering a strong social network can provide invaluable resources for maintaining emotional connections and fostering understanding during these challenging times.

Suggestion for read: Divorced Women Share Their Top 20 Marriage Advice

Navigating Long Deployments

Long deployments can be an immense challenge for military couples, straining communication and emotional bonds. However, maintaining connection and leveraging technology can help mitigate the strain and strengthen relationships during these trying times.

Maintaining Connection While Apart

Although the day-to-day responsibilities during deployment can be demanding, staying connected with loved ones is crucial for soldiers’ emotional well-being and easing the transition back home. Before deployment, couples should have open conversations about how and when they’ll communicate, using these plans as a starting point while remaining flexible to accommodate changing circumstances.

Soldiers should encourage their loved ones to share updates about daily life, such as a child’s achievements, a friend’s milestone, or ordinary activities. This can help soldiers stay in the loop and maintain a positive outlook, ultimately facilitating a smoother reintegration upon their return.

While soldiers may not be able to disclose all aspects of their deployment, sharing thoughts, feelings, or experiences can foster a sense of connection and strengthen the relationship. Simple acts of sharing can also alleviate loved ones’ fears or worries.

The Role of Technology

Technology has revolutionized how military couples stay connected during deployments. When video conferencing or phone calls are possible, soldiers should make the most of these opportunities to maintain face-to-face interactions. If time zone differences pose a challenge, recording audio or video messages can bridge the gap.

Social media platforms and messaging apps can also serve as valuable communication channels, provided they adhere to operational security guidelines. However, couples should be mindful of becoming overly reliant on technology, as disruptions or blackouts in communication can exacerbate feelings of separation and anxiety.

For families with children, it’s essential to facilitate individual connections between each child and the deployed parent. Sending personalized letters, packages, or cards, or dedicating one-on-one time during video chats, can help maintain strong parent-child bonds during and after deployment.

While technology has undoubtedly facilitated communication during deployments, couples should strike a balance between staying connected and managing expectations. Open and honest communication, coupled with a willingness to problem-solve together, can help military couples navigate the challenges of long separations and maintain a strong, resilient relationship.

Reintegration into Family Life

The return home from deployment can be a challenging transition for both the service member and their family. After months or years of separation, reintegrating into family life requires patience, open communication, and a willingness to adapt to changes that may have occurred during the deployment.

Challenges Upon Return

Many veterans experience feelings of alienation and loneliness within their families and communities upon their return. They may feel as if they are no longer needed because their family responsibilities and roles were filled by their spouse or others during their absence. Reconnecting with family and re-establishing a role in the family dynamic can be difficult, as families may have created new routines and both the service member and their loved ones will have to adjust to these changes.

Additionally, service members may struggle with managing strong emotions, such as high levels of anxiety and hyper-vigilance associated with the stress of constant risk of danger while deployed. These behaviors, although appropriate and encouraged in a war zone, can result in problematic behaviors when returning to civilian life, causing issues in areas related to reintegration, including employment, family problems, and social connection.

Support Systems

Seeking support is crucial for a successful reintegration into family life. Veterans and their families may find it challenging to join or create a new community after separating from the military, as the structured support system provided by the military is no longer automatically in place.

1. Professional Counseling: Seeking professional counseling can help service members and their families navigate the emotional and practical challenges of reintegration. Counselors can provide strategies for effective communication, coping mechanisms, and techniques for rebuilding intimacy and trust.
2. Support Groups: Joining support groups for veterans and military families can provide a sense of community and understanding. These groups offer a safe space to share experiences, learn from others who have gone through similar situations, and receive valuable advice and resources.
3. Military and Family Support Centers: Many installations offer Military and Family Support Centers that provide resources and programs specifically designed to assist with the transition back to civilian life. These centers can offer guidance on topics such as stress management, reconnecting after deployment, and maintaining healthy relationships.
4. Building a Social Network: Actively seeking out and building a new social network can help create a sense of belonging and community. Engaging in local activities, volunteering, or joining clubs or organizations can facilitate the formation of new connections and support systems.

By acknowledging the challenges of reintegration and seeking appropriate support, service members and their families can navigate this transition more effectively, fostering stronger relationships and a smoother adjustment to civilian life.

Therapy and Counseling

Seeking professional therapy and counseling can be invaluable for military couples navigating marital challenges. These services provide a safe and confidential space to address emotional and relational issues, fostering open communication, coping strategies, and a path towards healing.

Options Available

Numerous resources are available to support military families in need of counseling services:

1. Military and Family Life Counseling (MFLC): This program offers confidential, short-term, non-medical counseling services to service members and their families. MFLCs are licensed professionals who can assist with issues such as stress management, communication, and relationship problems.
2. Military OneSource: This Department of Defense program provides free, confidential counseling services to active-duty, National Guard, and reserve members, as well as their families. Services include face-to-face, online, or telephonic counseling for a wide range of issues, including marital problems, parenting concerns, and emotional well-being.
3. Chaplain Services: Military chaplains are available to provide counseling and support to service members and their families, regardless of religious affiliation. They can offer guidance on a variety of personal and relational matters, as well as connect individuals with additional resources.
4. Vet Centers: These community-based centers, operated by the Department of Veterans Affairs, offer counseling services to veterans, service members, and their families. Vet Centers provide a range of services, including individual and group counseling, marriage and family counseling, and referrals to other resources.
5. Community-Based Counseling Services: Many military installations have partnerships with local counseling providers, offering accessible and affordable counseling services to military families. These services may be available on or off the installation, depending on the location.

Success Stories

While seeking counseling can be a challenging step, many military couples have found it to be a transformative experience, helping them navigate the unique challenges of military life and strengthening their relationships.

One couple, who had been struggling with communication and emotional disconnection after multiple deployments, shared their success story: “The counseling sessions gave us the tools to understand each other’s perspectives and communicate more effectively. We learned how to rebuild intimacy and trust, and our relationship is stronger than ever.”

Another service member, who had been grappling with PTSD and its impact on their marriage, expressed gratitude for the support they received: “The counselor helped me process my experiences and provided strategies for managing my symptoms. My spouse and I were able to work through the challenges together, and we’re now in a much better place.”

These success stories highlight the power of seeking professional support and the positive impact it can have on military marriages.

By leveraging the available resources and committing to the counseling process, couples can overcome obstacles, foster understanding, and cultivate resilient, fulfilling relationships.

Advice for Couples

Fostering open and effective communication, as well as building resilience, are crucial for military couples navigating the challenges of their lifestyle. Here are some valuable insights and advice:

Fostering Communication

Frequent deployments and separations can strain communication between partners. To maintain a strong connection, couples should prioritize open and honest dialogue. Before deployments, have candid discussions about communication preferences, schedules, and expectations. Leverage technology to stay connected through video calls, messaging apps, and shared activities when possible.

During reintegration, be patient and understanding as you rebuild intimacy and trust. Seek counseling or join support groups if you encounter difficulties in communicating emotions, experiences, or concerns. Remember, effective communication is a two-way street – listen actively, validate each other’s perspectives, and approach conversations with empathy and respect.

Building Resilience

Resilience – the ability to withstand, recover, and grow from stress – is essential for military families. Resilient couples are flexible, connected, and adept at utilizing their resources to solve problems. To cultivate resilience:

1. Develop a shared belief system: Maintain a positive outlook, nurture a sense of purpose, and cultivate a strong spiritual or philosophical foundation to draw strength from during challenging times.
2. Establish organizational patterns: Maintain routines, assign roles and responsibilities, and develop problem-solving strategies as a team. Embrace flexibility and adapt to changes as needed.
3. Prioritize social support: Engage with your community, seek out support groups, and nurture a strong social network. Surround yourselves with individuals who understand the unique demands of military life.
4. Enhance communication skills: Actively work on improving communication patterns within your relationship. Seek counseling or attend workshops to develop effective communication strategies, conflict resolution techniques, and emotional intelligence.
5. Practice self-care: Engage in stress-relieving activities, maintain a balanced lifestyle, and prioritize your physical and mental well-being. Encourage and support each other in this endeavor.

By fostering open communication and building resilience, military couples can navigate the unique challenges of their lifestyle more effectively, strengthening their bond and maintaining a fulfilling, supportive partnership.

Community and Support Groups

The Role of Military Communities

Military life fosters a unique sense of community that extends beyond the bounds of service. These tight-knit communities provide a vital support system for soldiers and their families, offering a shared understanding of the challenges they face. Military spouses, in particular, play a crucial role in fostering these communities, serving as pillars of strength and resilience.

Military spouses often serve as frontline mental health support for their partners, offering a compassionate ear and gentle encouragement to seek professional help when needed. Their unwavering presence and understanding of the demands of military life make them invaluable sources of emotional support for their loved ones.

Furthermore, military communities thrive on the principle of “having each other’s backs.” Spouses and families band together, offering practical assistance and emotional solace during times of need, such as deployments or relocations. This sense of camaraderie and shared experience creates a strong bond that transcends individual differences.

Benefits of Support Networks

Engaging with support networks can significantly enhance the well-being of military families as they navigate the complexities of military life. These networks provide a range of benefits, including:

1. Emotional Support: Connecting with others who understand the unique challenges of military life can alleviate feelings of isolation and provide a sense of belonging. Support groups and online communities offer safe spaces for sharing experiences, seeking advice, and finding solace.
2. Practical Assistance: Military support networks often provide valuable resources and information, such as guidance on navigating the military system, accessing benefits and services, or finding employment opportunities for spouses.
3. Advocacy and Resources: Organizations like the American Legion, Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW), and Disabled American Veterans (DAV) advocate for veterans’ rights and offer legal advice, assistance with VA claims, and educational scholarships.
4. Community Integration: Local community resources, such as religious institutions, schools, and community centers, can facilitate social integration and provide recreational activities, educational programs, and spiritual support for military families.
5. Digital Platforms: Online platforms, such as Facebook groups, forums, and mobile apps, allow military families to connect with others worldwide, share resources, and access real-time support, helping them feel less isolated and more empowered.

Building and maintaining a robust support network is crucial for the well-being of military families. By leveraging the resources and connections available, couples can cultivate resilience, foster understanding, and navigate the unique challenges of military life with greater ease and confidence.

Conclusion

Navigating the challenges of military life requires resilience, open communication, and a strong support system. Military marriages face unique obstacles, but by fostering understanding, embracing flexibility, and prioritizing emotional well-being, couples can overcome these hurdles and strengthen their bond. Leveraging available resources, such as counseling services, support groups, and community networks, can provide invaluable assistance in navigating the complexities of military life and maintaining healthy, fulfilling relationships.

In the pursuit of a fulfilling personal life, seeking professional support can be a valuable step. At Inquire Talk, we understand the complexities of dating and relationships. Our online counseling services provide a convenient and accessible way to seek professional support from licensed therapists and counselors who specialize in addressing various mental health concerns, including dating and finding love. By prioritizing your mental well-being, you can take the first step towards a happier and more fulfilling personal life.

FAQs

1. What is the primary factor that leads to the breakdown of marriages?
   The main cause of marital breakdown is a lack of honesty. While the obvious aspects of honesty, such as truthfulness about one’s whereabouts, are crucial, other forms of dishonesty also play a significant role in damaging marital relationships.
2. What factors diminish intimacy in a marriage?
   Intimacy in marriage can be significantly reduced by poor communication. Effective communication is essential as it allows partners to understand and meet each other’s needs, especially concerning their sexual relationship. Without open dialogue, it becomes difficult for couples to fulfill each other’s desires and maintain a satisfying intimate connection.
3. How should one manage the challenges of being a military spouse?
   Managing life as a military spouse involves several strategies:

• Look forward to positive events and milestones.
• Connect with others who are in similar circumstances.
• Express your feelings openly instead of suppressing them.
• Focus on aspects of your life that you can influence.
• Adopt stress management techniques that suit your lifestyle.
• Prioritize self-care to maintain your well-being.

4. What are common challenges faced in military marriages?
   Military marriages encounter unique challenges, notably frequent separations due to deployments and temporary duty assignments. These separations often result in military personnel missing significant family occasions like anniversaries and birthdays, which can strain the marital relationship.

Here are few certified therapists who you can get in touch and book a therapy session with:

Sarah Jack

Nicola Keenan

Jennifer Campbell Kirk