Self-Esteem Building in Therapy

Self-esteem exploration and stabilization are frequently at the core of psychotherapy. Over the course of therapy, clients reveal a lot to their therapist. This experience can eventually help the client come to feel real acceptance and respect. Clients may have the chance to mend old wounds and alter damaging assumptions they hold about the world and themselves through the therapy interaction.

What exactly is self-esteem?

The extent to which we have high opinions of ourselves is known as self-esteem. It encompasses how we see our physical appearance as well as how we see our abilities and accomplishments. How we think other people are reacting to us frequently has a significant impact on this.

Much of our experience is influenced by our sense of self. What, for instance, makes you feel admirable in your own eyes? When do you experience regret or guilt? What qualities about others do you admire? What can you do to feel better when you don’t feel good about yourself?

Unfounded confirmation

We may create “pseudo-selves” in an effort to live up to the expectations of others in circumstances where acceptance is difficult to come by or where rejection is likely. A pseudo-self is a representation of who we think we are that we make up in an effort to fit in. The ability to adapt to others is an essential part of growth, but when we go to such great efforts to please others that we feel the need to conceal significant pieces of who we are and put on masks, something is wrong.

For people who experience persecution and marginalization, this can be extremely poignant.

E. B. Du Bois talked about having a “double consciousness” of being African and American in 1903. “The impression of always looking at oneself through the eyes of others, of measuring one’s soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused scorn and pity,” Du Bois said of this. In the 1970s and 2000s, respectively, Andrew Tobias and Alan Downs investigated the virtuoso efforts made by gay White men to make up for their rejection by seeking professional and monetary success.

We run the risk of losing touch with our own emotions and ideals while “masks” are rewarded. We can also miss out on the chance to receive real approval. This may lead to substance misuse, self-harm, fury, emptiness, confusion, sadness, and anxiety.

The presence of genuine validation in therapy might be very different. Clients open up a lot to their therapists over time. This frequently involves feelings of extreme vulnerability or embarrassment. Experiencing acceptance and respect in this situation, where one has communicated fully and is not required to present a caricature of oneself, may be profoundly validating. Clients may eventually have the self-assurance to consider themselves as a member of the human family rather than as something different or repugnant.

We use stories to explain our lives. Stories have a profound impact on how we feel about ourselves. There are many opportunities in therapy to examine the tales we tell ourselves and others, including the ones we’ve picked up from society, our culture, and other subcultures. Speaking from various voices or “parts” that we locate within while in therapy. This can give us a closer connection to the numerous stories we believe in and enable us to see how they either benefit or harm us.

Safeguarding one’s self-worth in treatment

Many of us have relatively weak senses of self-worth. Success may be incredibly thrilling. Rejection or criticism can be demoralizing. Shame can strike at any time. High levels of interpersonal honesty and empathy are both necessary for navigating this delicate terrain in therapy. One must first be seen in order to be truly validated. This complex process is hampered by judgments or unqualified praise.

Therapists can set an example of “good enough” self-esteem by keeping their confidence while admitting their flaws and limits and being willing to be viewed as less-than-perfect. Instead of being overinflated, this form of self-esteem is grounded in reality. Self-esteem that is “good enough” is less prone to the emotional ups and downs of self-worth, which is constantly dependent on our most recent triumphs or failures.

Self-esteem and Self-compassion

It’s possible that self-esteem has its limits. Psychologists Kristen Neff and Christopher Germer think that when we need self-esteem the most—when we feel inadequate and are prone to unfair comparisons with others—it can fail us. Instead of boosting self-esteem, they advocate practicing self-compassion.

Self-compassion is not determined by assessments. It is a method of approaching ourselves that promotes connection over separation. Self-compassion, according to Neff and Germer, provides the same advantages as self-esteem (less despair, more enjoyment) without any of its possible drawbacks.

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Being kind to ourselves instead of rejecting and being harsh with ourselves when we see something about us that we don’t like is a key component of self-compassion. It involves acknowledging and accepting that humans, including ourselves, are flawed. This perspective teaches us to feel good about ourselves because we are genuinely deserving of respect rather than because we are superior to others. We may view ourselves more objectively and make changes that will advance our growth when we build a foundation of emotional stability.

In conclusion, therapy can provide a chance to gradually develop a realistically based sense of self-worth or a practice of self-compassion based on the respect and compassion one receives from a therapist.

Here are few certified therapists who you can get in touch and book a therapy session with:

Nicola Demetriou

Roxanne Bigwood

Natalie Mills