How Our Experiences Affect Our Relationships: Trauma and Attachment

Trauma has a variety of effects on how our lives develop. Trauma can alter the manner in which we attach to and interact with others, which is one aspect that is sometimes underestimated.

Our patterns of partnerships later in life are built on our early relationships. Throughout the first three years of life, the system that influences our attachment habits is formed. This affects how we come to relate to, interact with, and attach to others. The foundation for our future relationships is laid by having a primary caregiver who tells us that we are recognized, cherished, and that our needs will be satisfied.

Early patterns frequently manifest themselves in our interactions throughout our lives. We develop a stable attachment style after we realize that we can depend on others to meet our needs in a safe manner.

But, our attachment types are influenced by more than simply our early connections. Years of study have taught us that different living conditions can affect attachment types. In maturity, changing attachment types frequently result from trauma. This blog offers information on the development of early attachment types and how they alter with experience. In relation to trauma and attachment, it also examines mediating factors.

The effects of trauma and attachment

As a child

Trauma can affect how one’s attachment style develops and progresses in a variety of ways. The formation of attachment in children is frequently significantly impacted by childhood trauma, particularly those resulting from caregiver relationships. Maltreatment and inconsistent or subpar caregiving fall under this category. Environmental trauma, such as a chaotic home life or poverty, can also affect how a child’s developmental attachment types evolve. Children may learn from these early relationship experiences that their needs won’t be addressed. As a result, an unsecure attachment style will develop.

It’s critical to realize that indirect trauma can affect how children establish their attachment types. This may resemble a parent’s untreated trauma, which frequently affects how well a family system functions and can be transmitted to children. Intergenerational trauma is the term used to describe this phenomenon. Also, having an insecure parent not only increases the risk of childhood anxiety, but it can also make it difficult to control emotions, which is a common side effect of insecure attachment.

In maturity, life-changing events like surviving a natural disaster, a parent’s death, or being raped frequently come to mind when we think about trauma. While there is no doubt that these are serious traumas, it is necessary to be aware of other traumatic events that may potentially have an impact on our future. Our attachment styles may be significantly impacted by relationship trauma.

Bullying and relationships that are physically or emotionally abusive can both be sources of relational trauma that cause changes in our attachment behavior system.

Growing up with a secure attachment does not guarantee that one will not later develop an insecure style as a result of traumatic events. Of course, that also implies that someone is doomed to a life of unstable relationships merely because they initially acquire an uneasy attachment style as a youngster.

Reducing the dangers

Even while our early interactions are critical in determining which attachment patterns we end up with, the fact that they can alter gives those who did not have the best early attachments hope. Adults with insecure attachment can become more secure by developing a relationship with someone who is securely connected, whether it be a close friend, a romantic partner, or a therapist. It is safe to attach to this person in a way that gives you both security and freedom, and these partnerships offer a stable atmosphere in which to discuss nervous and insecure feelings.

Trauma and dependable attachment

There is positive news for people with secure attachment types who encounter trauma given everything we have learned about the adaptability of attachment styles. Because those who are securely attached often recover from trauma in the best ways over the long term, secure attachment can help lessen the long-term effects of trauma.

However, there are many other aspects of our lives besides attachment style that affect the long-term effects of trauma, such as having a solid support network, our current coping mechanisms, and having access to therapy, which can have an impact on recovery from traumatic events on par with attachment style.

Suggestion for read: Relationships and Trauma: How to Support a Partner with a History of Trauma

So what does this all mean? Our attachment style may change as a result of trauma. But other factors can affect how we bond to others besides traumatic events. Those with insecure attachment who, as adults, join into stable partnerships can also learn to develop secure attachment.

Here are few certified therapists who you can get in touch and book a therapy session with:

Simona Campli

Sophie Barrett

Salvo La Rosa