6. Manipulative Tactics
Problematic mother-in-laws may use guilt trips, blame games, or the silent treatment to control and manipulate you and your spouse. They may try to turn family members against you, portraying themselves as victims and you as the aggressor.
7. Lack of Interest in Your Life
A toxic mother-in-law may show little interest in getting to know you, your thoughts, values, or opinions. They may disregard your contributions to the family and prioritize their own needs and desires.
8. Jealousy and Competition
Problematic mother-in-laws may feel threatened by your presence and try to undermine your accomplishments. They may be jealous of your relationship with their child and act out to regain their perceived position as the primary woman in their child’s life.
9. Constant Drama and Negativity
Toxic mother-in-laws thrive on creating drama and spreading negativity. They may constantly find faults and criticize, making family gatherings and interactions stressful and emotionally draining.
10. Lack of Respect for Your Family
A toxic mother-in-law may disrespect your family and exclude them from family events. They may dismiss your family members as inferior or less important, causing tension and hurt feelings.
11. Insults and Disregard for Your Heritage or Values
Toxic mother-in-laws may insult your heritage, values, or religious beliefs, considering their own as superior. They may try to impose their traditions or expect you to conform to their way of life.
12. Difficulty Letting Go of Past Conflicts
Problematic mother-in-laws hold grudges and bring up past conflicts repeatedly. They may use past incidents as ammunition in arguments or to manipulate and control the narrative.
Suggestion for read: Dealing with a Controlling Micromanaging Spouse
Strategies for Handling a Problematic Mother-in-Law
While dealing with a toxic mother-in-law can be challenging, there are strategies you can employ to maintain your emotional well-being and improve the relationship. Here are some effective approaches:
1. Open and Honest Communication with Your Spouse
Communicate openly with your spouse about the challenges you face with your mother-in-law. Express your feelings and concerns, ensuring that your spouse understands and supports you. Together, establish boundaries and work as a team to address the issues.
2. Set Clear Boundaries
Establish clear boundaries with your mother-in-law and communicate them assertively. Clearly define what behaviours are acceptable and what is not. Stick to these boundaries and enforce them consistently, even if it requires limiting contact or setting guidelines for family gatherings.
3. Practice Self-Care
Prioritize self-care by engaging in activities that bring you joy and reduce stress. Take time for yourself, maintain a healthy support network, and seek professional help, such as online counselling or therapy, to cope with the emotional challenges.
4. Develop Empathy and Understanding
Try to understand your mother-in-law’s perspective and the underlying reasons for her behaviour. While it does not excuse toxic behaviour, developing empathy and understanding can help you navigate the relationship with more compassion and patience.
5. Seek Professional Support
Consider seeking professional help from therapists or counsellors who specialize in family dynamics and interpersonal relationships. Online counselling services, like those offered at Inquire Talk, can provide valuable guidance and support in dealing with a problematic mother-in-law.
6. Focus on Building Your Own Family
Shift your focus and energy towards nurturing your own family unit. Surround yourself with positive influences, foster healthy relationships with your spouse and children, and create a supportive and loving environment for your immediate family.
7. Limit Contact and Establish Healthy Boundaries
If necessary, limit contact with your mother-in-law to protect your emotional well-being. Set clear boundaries regarding communication, visits, and involvement in your life. Prioritize your own mental health and create distance when needed.
8. Practice Emotional Detachment
Emotionally detach yourself from your mother-in-law’s toxic behaviour. Recognize that her actions are a reflection of her own issues and insecurities, rather than a reflection of your worth or capabilities. Focus on maintaining your own emotional well-being and not allowing her negativity to affect you.
9. Seek Mediation or Family Therapy
In more severe cases, consider involving a mediator or seeking family therapy to address the issues and improve communication within the family. A neutral third party can help facilitate constructive conversations and provide guidance on resolving conflicts.
10. Focus on Positivity and Gratitude
Maintain a positive mindset and focus on the aspects of your life that bring you joy and fulfillment. Practice gratitude and appreciate the positive relationships and experiences you have, allowing them to overshadow the negativity caused by your mother-in-law.
11. Create a Supportive Network
Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends and family who understand and validate your experiences. Seek their advice and guidance when needed, and rely on their support to navigate the challenges of dealing with a toxic mother-in-law.
12. Acceptance and Letting Go
Recognize that you may not be able to change your problematic mother-in-law’s behaviour or attitudes. Acceptance can be a powerful tool in letting go of the frustration and resentment that may arise from the situation. Focus on creating a fulfilling life for yourself and your immediate family, and release the need for validation from your mother-in-law.
In conclusion, dealing with a toxic mother-in-law can be challenging, but by implementing strategies for setting boundaries, seeking support, and prioritizing your emotional well-being, you can navigate the relationship and improve your overall quality of life. Remember to focus on building a strong and loving family unit and seek professional help when needed. At Inquire Talk, we are here to provide the support and guidance you need to handle a problematic mother-in-law and improve your emotional well-being.
Inquire Talk certified therapists who you can get in touch and book a therapy session with:
Zori Litova
Victoria Sharman
Stuart Alderton
