After-Marriage Friendships

Did you realize that once you get married and have children, your friendships might change? It is correct, and it is the outcome of a number of elements including a reduction in free time and a change in priorities.

When it comes to connections outside of their partnership, couples frequently experience conflict. One person’s urge to be social and involved with others and another person’s preference for solitude and withdrawal from social gatherings can lead to conflict.

Maintaining the friendship inside your own relationship and forging new friendships with others requires an understanding and acceptance of one another’s differences.

Friendships provide us comfort, prevent us from feeling lonely, and help us become well-rounded individuals. Although your spouse should be your best friend, encouraging and supporting friends recognize that this is not always the case. Despite how close we are to our spouses and children, we frequently yearn for a sense of belonging with other people. Here are some pointers for keeping friendships separate from your relationship.

After-Marriage Friendships

Balance

Good friendships require time and work to maintain. You must allocate that limited time among an expanding group of people as your life grows, leaving less time for your pals. Friends typically give us the advice we want to hear, comfort us, and support our decisions while forgiving us quickly when we make mistakes. It makes sense that when we are in a crisis or difficult position, we call them or run to them for advice. According to marriage experts, when we move away from our spouse and toward our friends, we build emotional distance in our relationships. Make sure your partner is supporting you as well.

Finding a balance is crucial to avoid compromising our friendships, which have special qualities that are good for our self-esteem. Arrange social gatherings with your partner or kids. Plan ahead for when you need to spend time alone with your companion. You don’t have as much free time as you once had, and while some friends will understand why you’re hanging out less, others might not appreciate how preoccupied you are with your new life.

Priorities

Our priorities shift as we age. Significant life events, such as a wedding or birth, are certain to change the way we view life and cause us to reevaluate what is essential and how we would like to spend our time. Avoid interacting with people that make you or your spouse feel bad or who cause conflict in your relationship. Remove yourself from friendships that could harm your relationship, such as those with users, control freaks, and gossipers.

Your single pals will gain a deeper understanding of the obligations associated with being a pair or family if you invite them along on family activities. Over time, although others find it difficult to relate to your new life, some of your friends will come to understand why you prefer a quiet dinner over a night out at the bar.

How to Keep Friendships Strong

While you work to strengthen your relationship, maintaining existing friendships, getting rid of the problematic ones, and creating new ones can feel like a juggling act. Like any relationship, friendships require effort. This is particularly true when your priorities and free time shift following marriage and having a child.

It’s acceptable if you don’t have the luxury of calling a friend and asking them to lunch on the spur of the moment. On the other hand, you can discover that you don’t share many interests with former pals who participated in the singles scene with you.

You may maintain the friendships that are significant to you far into your elderly years with a little planning and communication. Both partners should maintain other friendships. Here are some recommendations:

Establish Limits

Boundaries provide restrictions and expectations for the commitment to your friendship, whether it be with a close friend or a member of your family. Inform your pals of your appreciation for their friendship and your concern for them. Describe how important they are to you despite the fact that you won’t be able to see them as frequently.

Recognize that your friends’ lives are changing and will continue to do so. By accepting this, you can establish expectations for your friends’ future changes in their personal situations. Finally, avoid complaining about your spouse to your friends. A solid rule of thumb is to never directly address your spouse when speaking to a friend.

Create Time

You need to keep putting your friends’ shared interests first since you have them. Decide on a schedule for your time with your pals after discussing it with your spouse. Try to schedule regular phone conversations and get-togethers even if you can’t have lunch twice a week or spend your weekends together. Although you may both initially find this scheduled time odd, you both have a lot on your plates and need to go a little “calendar crazy” to find time for the things that matter.

Offer and Accept

Avoid the temptation to dominate the discussion when you get together with your friends by relating tales of how romantic your spouse is or the most recent baby drama, especially if you are not in the same stage of life as your pals. Your pals want to know what’s going on, but they also want to chat with you about their lives.

They also need to know that you still share the same experiences and interests that first drew you together. Sometimes, when your objectives have shifted, you could find it challenging to maintain contact with old pals.

New Pals

It’s alright to let those friendships go if you’ve tried to set up get-togethers with one or two friends but they appeared angry and distant. Not every friendship endures forever. Naturally, we make new acquaintances as we go through life and let go of old ones. Look for new couples to hang out with or a new parent that can relate to where you are at the moment.

Meeting other couples is best accomplished by enrolling in a parenting or marriage enrichment course and gain a lot of knowledge. You’re guaranteed to meet other couples with similar aspirations in a setting that promotes togetherness, whether it’s a faith-based group or one sponsored by your neighborhood community organization. Making new acquaintances as a couple is wonderful.

Your friendships don’t always have to end when you get married and have children. They will alter, and maintaining a strong friendship will require work from both you and your friend. Recognizing the value of friendships, no matter how fresh or old they may be, is crucial.

Inquire Talk certified therapists who you can get in touch and book a therapy session with:

John Hilsdon

Sylvia Cowell

Glen Gibson