Why some people struggle to make good partners in a relationship

Why is it that even after you understand how to be a good partner, it’s so hard for so many individuals to actually follow through? These guidelines may not seem difficult, but for some people they are. And here is why.

Selfishness

Most people have some level of selfishness. Indeed, it’s an instinct for survival. Consider how your survival as a caveman would rely on how much food you consumed. Also, if you consume more food than the individual sitting next to you, you will have a higher chance of surviving. Even while selfishness had its uses in the past, it doesn’t benefit us in relationships now. When one or both parties exhibit selfishness, resentment develops and only intensifies over time.

Inadequate knowledge

We don’t learn anything about relationships or communication skills in school. Do you remember taking any classes called “Relationships 101” or “Communication 101”? Most likely not.

If no one ever taught you how to be a decent partner and maintain a healthy relationship, how can you ever hope to learn? Trial and error is typically how we learn. But you need to be conscious of yourself in order to achieve this. What you don’t recognize cannot be changed. You must therefore be conscious of your bad habits and what you may do to modify them. You must then truly make those changes in order to improve yourself.

Bad examples

All of us truly had to go on were our own parents because the majority of us have never been taught how to have wholesome relationships. They act as a learning example of how you might behave in your own relationships. For instance, if your parents would argue and yell, scream, and call each other names, you would have grown up believing this was normal. You most likely adopted the same interpersonal habits that they did as a result. Likewise, if they shied away from showing affection and intimacy, you assumed it was also typical.

As you can see, we tend to adopt the behaviors that are modeled for us as children, whether they are favorable or unpleasant. Then they become into habits, which are challenging to break.

Absence of empathy

Both partners must show empathy for one another for a relationship to be healthy. Empathy is the capacity to put oneself in another’s shoes and view a situation from their point of view rather than simply your own. Many people are innately selfish, therefore they are unable to see how their partner may view a situation in a different way. When this occurs, animosity gradually grows. Fortunately, empathy is a skill that can be acquired. You can practice this skill to become a better partner in your relationship. All it takes is awareness of your feelings, thoughts, and—more crucially—words and actions.

Why some individuals struggle to make good partners in a relationship

Characteristics of a good partner

Perhaps your parents weren’t the best examples of a happy marriage. If that’s the case, you could be at a loss for how to get started or what a decent partner even looks like. These are some characteristics of a good companion.

Openness

You must be open and vulnerable in order to develop an emotionally intimate relationship with your partner. Nothing can be kept a secret from anyone. Certainly, for some people, opening up can be frightening, but it’s the only way to forge a solid connection.

Share yourself with your lover as a result. Share with them your hopes, dreams, and anxieties. and request that they follow suit. Building a solid basis for the partnership requires openness.

Honesty

Honesty is a significant component in laying a solid foundation. On quicksand, you obviously cannot construct a house. Obviously not. So, it is this honesty that keeps your connection strong. Never steal, cheat, or lie. Nobody desires to be in a relationship with a liar. Because of this, you must be dependable and honest at all times.

Respect

Everyone needs to be treated with respect while they are on our planet. But that isn’t necessarily how things turn out. Unfortunately, a lot of people treat others very disrespectfully, especially their relationships.

Thus, treating someone with respect entails not cursing, yelling, or screaming at them. It also categorically forbids any other forms of psychological, emotional, or physical abuse. Respect your companion by being cordial in your words, deeds, and devotion.

Compasion

A healthy connection is built on empathy. You can’t be self-centered and only consider your own needs, wants, and opinions. You certainly can, but that makes you a poor partner. So, a good partner is someone who can understand their spouse’s perspective. Not only do they recognize it, but they also express their understanding to their spouse. This gives them a sense of personal worth and validation.

Attachment

Certain people are more or less comfortable with affection. The majority of people do, however, at least require or desire some affection in their relationships. Its loveliness and romance derive from this. Thus, it’s crucial to hug, grasp your partner’s hand, and cuddle up next to them on the couch. Endorphins are released during affection, which strengthens relationships and keeps people loving one another.

Interaction

The thread that binds relationships together is communication. Let’s reword it, then. The thread that binds them together is good communication. They will fall apart if there is poor or no communication at all. Yelling, dodging, or making accusations are all examples of ineffective communication. Things like listening, solving issues, and maintaining composure are all part of effective communication.

Resilience

It’s true that practicing constant patience is difficult. Virtually everyone has a partner who they find annoying in some way. Nobody is flawless, and no relationship is either. Because of this, having patience is crucial in a good partner. Don’t make your mate live up to your expectations. They are who they are; they are not you. So, you might want to alter them or request that they perform an alternative action. But you must understand that’s probably not going to happen. Otherwise, it will take time if it does.

How to be a good partner – the most important rules both of you should follow

You might have come to the conclusion that your relationship needs more from you. This is not a problem. It’s a big issue even to admit that you could be a better partner. You have self-awareness, which is difficult for most people. You can improve yourself in a relationship if you want to. All you need to work hard for yourself and your relationship are these suggestions and the will to do so. Are you willing to make a change? If so, read the following advice and begin being the best version of yourself.

Although you are entitled to feel furious, you are not entitled to be cruel. This is an extremely crucial thing to keep in mind if you want to be a decent partner. Everyone has the right to be angry; sometimes, it’s impossible to control it. Yet, whether or not you are being fair depends on how you handle your anger. It’s acceptable to let your partner know if they did something that irritated you. It’s not acceptable to make fun of them, bring up the past, or yell at them. If you do this, the problem that made you angry in the first place won’t be resolved, and instead the dialogue will turn into an argument.

Even when you are right, there are moments when you must concede for the sake of peace. In a debate, it’s simple to lose control, especially if you’re winning. Backing down is difficult. Sometimes, it just doesn’t matter who is right or wrong—just getting the disagreement over with is all that matters. Don’t let pride control you; you must know when to concede and make peace. It’s okay to just let things go as long as the topic you’re talking about isn’t incredibly unfair to either side.

You won’t need to modify anything if you accept that people change. Humans are constantly evolving. Every event in a person’s life alters them in some manner. Sometimes it doesn’t even register on you, and other times it hits you square in the face.

Instead of transforming into two strangers, learn to develop as a team. You may achieve this by supporting one another, being as understanding as you can be, and going through life’s ups and downs together.

Nobody is perfect, including you. It’s simple to look down on others and criticize their decisions from a distance, but that doesn’t make for a good partner in a relationship. Yet, you must keep in mind that you occasionally make poor decisions as well. You make mistakes and are not perfect, just like everyone else. Does someone have your back regarding that? It’s unreasonable to demand perfection from everyone, and it’s even unfairer to make people feel horrible about their imperfections.

Long before you did, your partner’s pals were standing by them. It’s crucial that you make an effort to get along with your partner’s friends. They supported your relationship during trying times and were there before you. They must care if they do it. You just need to get along with them for the benefit of your partner—you don’t even have to like them. If need be, smile and put up with it! You don’t want to be the one to force your spouse to pick between you and your friends or family. Either your partner will choose their friends or family, or they will get angry at you for making them. You can have friends, family, a partner, and complete harmony amongst all parties. Make a compromise if you have to.

Inquire Talk certified therapists who you can get in touch and book a therapy session with:

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