Relationship Boundaries: 10 Healthy Dating Principles You Should Establish Early

You must be able to set limits in order to have a healthy connection. And this applies to both your individual ones and a couple. Boundaries are an essential component of all harmonious partnerships. But what exactly are limits? Although they vary for each couple, there are certain fundamental similarities in how boundaries should be set in a partnership. Fighting can be restrained by establishing boundaries. They may also be put in place to prevent you or your partner from interfering in a situation that you want to manage on your own.

Hence, the limits you create will vary based on your connection, but they should always be advantageous to your partnership as a whole, not just to one person.

What are the limits of a relationship?

To put it simply, a boundary establishes who is responsible for what. The “things” that are yours in a romantic relationship are frequently intangible. You can define where you and your companion begin and end using the boundary line. Setting boundaries between the two of you is important. These restrictions should enable you both understand one another and work to your mutual advantage.

In other words, boundaries specify what is your responsibility and what is your partner’s in the relationship. Without assuming a new identity as a “couple,” it demonstrates who you are as an individual and who your spouse is as an individual.

Your body, words, actions, attitudes, beliefs, preferences, and emotions are just a few examples of how you might set boundaries. Saying no is an option, for instance, if you don’t want to be touched in a certain area since it doesn’t feel nice. Or, if you treat your partner disrespectfully, you should own up to it, offer an apology, and promise not to repeat the behavior.

Eliminating blame and dissatisfaction is one of the main justifications for setting limits in a relationship. Having sound limits decreases the likelihood that either you or your partner will be held accountable for something. Eliminating blame and dissatisfaction is one of the main justifications for setting limits in a relationship. Having sound limits decreases the likelihood that either you or your partner will be held accountable for something.

When someone wants to shift blame, they typically accuse someone else. Your partner should be ready to accept responsibility for their part as well when you accept responsibility for your role in the argument, misunderstanding, or whatever other issue you are experiencing. Your problems will be much easier to solve if both parties do this. This is the first step in developing a close emotional connection with your partner. Without them, issues might rapidly develop.

Why are healthy boundaries necessary?

You could believe that boundaries are unnecessary in a happy relationship. You might think that since you are both now equal partners, everything should be on the table and divided equally. Rules and bounds, however, are not the same. Setting boundaries can enable you and your partner to work through difficulties and emerge stronger than before. They are not there to restrict your bond with one another or themselves.

In other words, clear limits are a necessity for a happy partnership. Without them, it can be much harder to stay together because no one takes ownership of anything. Assuming that the other partner should immediately know what they want and need and what they don’t want or need leads to problems in far too many relationships.

You cannot read minds, that is the problem. And neither is your spouse. You set yourself up for a tremendous drama in the future by failing to communicate adequately. It must be simpler to simply sit down and discuss these issues fairly early on, right? You can maintain your independence and self-identity by setting boundaries. They enable you to develop as a pair and feel secure in your relationship without having to deal with stressful issues.

You might impose many different restrictions. However, be careful not to wander into harmful terrain and make sure that whatever you do discuss is on the healthy side of the border.

Relationship Boundaries are not rules but lines

You’re not creating a set of rules for your spouse to follow in the future by defining boundaries within your relationship. You are at ease with that particular collection of lines. This results from being open and honest in your communication about the relationship and your needs and discomforts.

For instance, you can be adamant that you wish to never get married. Although you might have your own explanations for this, you are certain of it. It serves as a limit for you. It would be unwise to force something upon your partner and tell them to “take it or leave it.” On the other hand, it would be beneficial if you sat down and talked about it with your spouse, outlining your justifications and looking into alternative possibilities that you both approved of or were open to considering in the future.

Limits are created to make you feel at ease

Of course, there are some lines that should always be respected and made explicit. Whatever aspect of your sexual life that you’re uncomfortable with, never want to try, or want to discuss about should be respected. The same applies to any communication from your partner to you.

The key is to communicate with each other and explore your connection while staying within the bounds of what is healthy and what isn’t. Limits exist to make people feel secure. You may thrive and develop in a relationship when you feel that way.

Good relationship boundaries make sure that your connection never progresses into a zone where you feel constrained, unhappy, or uncomfortable. This is, of course, reciprocal and guarantees that your spouse feels the same way.

First, establish personal boundaries for yourself

You should have a good, lengthy conversation with yourself about what you will and won’t accept in a partner before we explore the types of boundaries you should have with your spouse.

You won’t waste time with people who don’t respect your personal boundaries if you are honest with yourself. Thus, this is a crucial first action. [Read: How to establish personal limits and encourage others to uphold them. Personal boundaries are like rules that must be followed in order to be genuine to oneself. Although some restrictions are adhered to more strictly than others, they are nonetheless in effect.

Fundamental limits you should set for yourself

Everyone will have different boundaries because they are specific to them, as we have previously indicated. The prevalent practice among those looking for healthy relationships is to set certain fundamental boundaries.

In order to find someone who will treat you fairly, there are some basic boundaries you should follow. In your new relationship, make sure to respect the following fundamental personal boundaries:

1. They are married or single with no serious partner.

There is really no necessity for you to be with this individual unless they have split up with their partner or are going through a divorce. You should believe them when you see it if they tell you they’re leaving their partner for you. Don’t spend time in the interim. For them, you serve as filler. Something to assist them cope with their home difficulties, whatever they may be. Don’t be a punching bag for their emotions. They have two options: hire a therapist or watch Dr. Phil.

2. No means no

It makes no difference if they are a guy or a woman, have three legs or one, like Justin Bieber, or keep a turtle as a pet. They ought to respect your “no” requests. Someone doesn’t respect you if they don’t get the meaning of “no” or if they simply ignore you when you use it. They simply don’t give a damn. Indeed, it’s exciting to date the bad boy or the cool girl, but in the long run, it’s not worthwhile.

3. A person incapable of apologizing

You might not think this is a huge thing, but if the person you’re seeing won’t or can’t say sorry, run. One of the major dating boundaries is this one. It’s crucial to accept accountability for your faults and acknowledge your own actions. What happens if you get into an argument with someone who messed up but won’t accept responsibility? It will be a draining and never-ending relationship where you take responsibility for everything.

If you’re with someone who never offers an apology, eventually you might decide to stop talking because every disagreement would inevitably come around to being about you—emotionally and cognitively. And it drains your life away.

4. Male or female juvenile

We all harbor unresolved mother/father conflicts. Maybe your mom always yelled at you or maybe your dad didn’t catch you when you fell off your bike in second grade. Everybody has something. The key is to avoid adopting someone as your child. They must address any problems if they exist. Indeed, you can help them, but their baggage belongs to them.

There are equal relationships and then there are those where the other person depends entirely on you. No way, that won’t happen.

5. A person who is cruel to others

Look at how your partner interacts with their parents to get a sense of who they are as a person. Are they blatantly impolite and verbally or emotionally abusing toward their parents? They won’t treat you any better, I’m afraid. What makes you believe you’re exceptional if they speak cruelly and crudely to their parents, the people who gave them life? No, we’re not interested in it.

6. Avoid pursuing people.

Listen, the ego is a delicate creature. Just keep in mind that they really aren’t into you. Don’t push it if you’re casually dating someone and you can see they aren’t really feeling it back. Finish it. They might realize that they passed up a wonderful individual, or they might not. You are being made to look foolish if you express curiosity and they make you act like a dog for them. Don’t turn into a Mr. T cliche.

7. Liars

Maybe the Chlamydia they gave you after they told you they were cheating on you is what’s setting your pants on fire. See how that functions? It burns both metaphorically and literally, therefore it’s not fun. You don’t need a dishonest person in your life. You don’t have time to sift through their texts and phone for indications and cues about what’s really happening. This is a relationship, not a depressing treasure hunt.

8. Use of profanity

We are what? Twelve? Your spouse can return to the playground if they insult you or call you names. You don’t need that, so get going. Perhaps you should let them know that some slurs or other things they say to hurt you are wrong because you two are dating. Now, if they choose to ignore it, they must leave. Since why? Aretha, where are you when we need you? Respect

9. Insisting on your sexual wants

Listen, if you don’t want to go out with your boyfriend and the bartender’s assistant across the street as a threesome, then don’t. Don’t try anal beads if you don’t want to. It’s acceptable for some people to have more sexual experience or adventure than others. Nonetheless, be sure to discuss it and establish boundaries for what you will and will not do in bed. This will prevent them from unexpectedly entering your bedroom with a foot-long dildo when all you wanted to do was watch Fifty Shades of Grey and not participate in it.

10. Trust

Trust is a crucial border requirement. You shouldn’t be in a relationship if you question the other person’s integrity. Moreover, trust must be gained, so be on the lookout for any shady activity. If you do begin to have concerns about their behavior, trust your gut instinct because it nearly never leads you astray. Also, avoid sticking with them just long enough for them to earn your distrust. If they’re willing to cheat on you in any form, it also proves they’re not into you as much as you think. Don’t serve as their convenience.

What constitutes good behavior and unhealthy behavior?

Setting arbitrary boundaries and expecting them to be followed are not acceptable practices. The goal is to have a connection that lasts a long time, flourishes, and makes you happy. That won’t occur if you impose unhealthily stringent boundaries.

Rules are not boundaries. They represent the boundaries you establish in your union. Spending time alone is one example. You should not only be with your lover all the time; you should also spend time with family and friends. One of the boundaries you should establish is if your partner always tries to be by your side but doesn’t offer you this time.

Inquire Talk certified therapists who you can get in touch and book a therapy session with:

Zori Litova

Victoria Sharman

Stuart Alderton