How to Have a Good Marriage

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires dedication, love, and effort from both partners. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach to having a good marriage, there are certain principles and practices that can help couples build strong and fulfilling relationships. Whether you are newlyweds or have been married for many years, it’s never too late to invest in your marriage and strengthen your bond with your spouse.

One of the most challenging relationships to embark into is marriage since you are aware that you only have partial control. We frequently hear , “I married you, that should show you that I want to remain with you.” This mindset might be challenging to change because it indicates some sort of “giving up.” Marriage is wonderful, complicated, and even discouraging. But if we strip it down to the essentials, you’ll have the keys to a successful marriage right at your fingertips.

Friendship

Think about your best friend for a moment. You probably would go to any lengths for them. Although they occasionally annoy you, you generally give them the benefit of the doubt. According to Dr. Gottman in his book Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, this essential component of friendship is one of the keys to a successful marriage. You can get to know your lover in the most personal way thanks to this friendship. You can build a liking buffer by getting to know your partner’s likes, dislikes, dreams, and personality idiosyncrasies. This will assist maintain the stability of your relationship.

In theory, this may seem fantastic, but how does it actually work in practice? According to Dr. Gottman, this affection is not generated by the huge romantic acts seen in movies. Instead, it results from the seemingly unimportant details that couples frequently ignore. For instance, you could live a happy life without ever eating another raspberry, even if your partner truly likes them. Simply because you know your partner would appreciate them, you instinctively grab a package of raspberries when you are at the grocery store together.

This simple act of kindness will contribute to your spouse’s growing liking for you because you are doing something that, despite its unimportance to you, you know will make them happy. Another illustration is talking to your partner’s friends, even if you don’t really like them, because you know how important they are to him or her.

Positive Attitude Takes Priority

This concept of friendship serves as the foundation for Positive Sentiment Override (PSO). Even when you are bickering or fighting, PSO causes your good thoughts about your mate to outweigh any negative ones you might have had about their intentions. Negative Emotions Prevail

Alternately, as you would have anticipated, Negative Sentiment Override (NSO) is the condition in which you consistently view your partner’s behavior negatively. This happens when you assume that somebody did something “on purpose” or with the goal to harm you, even when this was not at all their aim.

How does this appear?

Imagine that you and your spouse are getting ready to leave on a trip that you are both looking forward to in order to better understand the notion. The typical luggage in the closet are nowhere to be found when you search there. “Have you seen the suitcases?” you inquire to your partner. Your partner says, “I have no idea where you put them,” in that voice in response. PSO enables you to put your partner’s tone down to the pressure of packing for the trip and avoid taking it personally. On the other hand, it would be challenging to read NSO’s tone as anything other than them yelling at you.

Repair Efforts

A crucial first step to restoring your relationship to PSO when all else fails is trying to mend. According to Dr. Gottman, a repair attempt is a word or action used to diffuse tension and prevent a dispute from getting out of hand. He claims that whether a relationship is likely to “flourish or flounder” depends on the outcome of any attempt at mending.

Making your partner laugh during a heated argument, for instance, can greatly reduce the tensness of the situation. Then, you and your partner may concentrate on the key points of the discussion.

Understanding how your partner experiences love is the second critical component to successful mending efforts. Understanding your partner’s love language is crucial because it may help you express your love in many ways, such as by cooking dinner, buying flowers, or just making extra time for physical contact.

The recognition and acceptance of the olive branch you extend by your spouse is the third requirement for a successful mending attempt.

A strategy for a happy and good marriage

Couples that struggle in their relationship may find themselves in a complacent state of “simply getting along.”  Respect, affection, and admiration for one other have all left these relationships.  It is important to bring yourselves back to a deep sense of meaning and core friendship. Remember that if a dispute seems to have swiftly escalated over a seemingly insignificant matter, such as who gets to do the dishes next, it probably has nothing to do with the dishes.

This could be a good opportunity to assess the following: How do you see yourself and your partner’s friendship? What would you say the PSO is? Do you think your attempts at repair have been successful? Marriage can be difficult. Reverting to the fundamentals is occasionally the wisest course of action.

Having a good marriage is not a destination, but a continuous journey that requires patience, commitment, and effort from both partners. Couples can build a strong and fulfilling relationship that withstands the test of time. Effective communication, mutual respect, shared values, and quality time together are just some of the key ingredients that contribute to a good marriage. However, it’s important to remember that every couple is unique, and what works for one may not work for another.

Suggestion for read: 10 Couples Communication Exercises That Work

By being open and flexible, and by seeking support when needed, couples can overcome challenges and maintain a healthy and happy marriage. Overall, investing in your marriage is one of the best decisions you can make, not just for your own happiness, but also for the well-being of your family and loved ones. By prioritizing your relationship and making it a priority in your life, you can create a lifetime of love, joy, and fulfillment with your spouse.

Here are few certified therapists who you can get in touch and book a therapy session with:

Joanne Welsh

Elaine Tarsh

Nicola Keenan