Grown Children: How to Maintain Contact with Them?

When does raising our children get simpler? Some might contend that our children’s younger years are the most challenging. They need the highest care, love, and affection. What about pressure! And don’t even get me started on the psychoanalytic developmental life stages! A parental figure is essential for a person to move through each stage. Unfortunately, we rarely discuss the child’s future development. When the child grows up and has their own views, feelings, experiences, and sometimes trauma, what happens to the relationship? Many of us are aware of the challenges facing our adult relationships with our parents.

For individuals who play the role of parents, the shift might be much more difficult.

Being a parent now involves more of a support system than a caretaker, which makes this period challenging to navigate. It’s possible that one’s perspective on life changes during this transition. It’s normal to wonder how to maintain contact with our grown children during such a trying adjustment.

Taking care of small children

Let’s first discuss parenting small children before discussing relationships with our offspring as adults. It covers all of the toddler meltdowns, the late-night embraces, and the kissing of a tiny wound or a significant feeling. This small being’s defense in a vast universe deserves to be appreciated and validated.

In order to give your child the greatest care possible, you as a parent sometimes have to put your own needs and desires on hold. Let’s be honest, this is a difficult undertaking that can be emotionally taxing. It can be challenging to adapt to those young beings growing up to become adolescents and adults with possibly different worldviews. What can be done because this significant change may make it challenging to maintain a relationship with our grown children?

Changes to grown children

This change in the parent-child relationship occurs long before the youngster is considered to be an adult. In adolescence, the exploration of one’s identity, love, and worldview take center stage. Their identity either strengthens or changes when they reach their 20s depending on their experiences, values, and beliefs. The parental position may shift from one of protection to one that is much more unknown, such as leaning into the role of interest and support. That could seem simple enough. But, I’ve observed that it can be challenging when working with parents of grown children. One of the biggest worries is having the impression that their child is making errors or blunders that they themselves once committed. As a result, they frequently feel helpless and afraid as parents. You are not alone if this fear seems all too familiar.

As a young adult reaches their 30s and 40s, the adjustments that are essential within this dynamic continue. At this point, they might be more concerned with establishing their place in the world professionally, starting their own family, and nurturing and strengthening friendships. A parent may find this tough since they feel like they are losing their child. As they age, individuals frequently find themselves thinking back on the past. There could be a contradicting and perplexing role switch. This role-reversal could involve something as sophisticated as a change in care or as seemingly straightforward as a shift in emotional need.

What factors contribute to healthy adult relationships with parents?

We are aware that raising young children requires a lot of love, patience, and care. The changes in dynamic as your relationship matures might be destabilizing. How does one maintain contact with their adult offspring in light of this? The advice provided here can serve as a good starting point for achieving your ultimate aim of staying in touch with the people you care about the most.

Maintaining boundaries

Boundaries have been mentioned numerous times. Some customers have been known to roll their eyes when I mention that word during sessions, I’ve noticed. How come? We may have lost sight of what the word actually implies as a result of its overuse and misuse. According to psychotherapist Matt Cartwright, boundaries are an essential component in keeping up healthy relationships. Setting boundaries helps us develop honesty and sincerity in our interactions with others.

You might realize that you have new boundaries in the relationship with your grown children. You might assign them to your grown children. Understanding, accepting, and respecting the existence of these boundaries is the first and healthiest action to take. You are not required to concur with them as a result. Instead, say that it’s okay if they diverge from earlier expectations within the partnership. An unexpectedly improved dynamic with your grown children may result from these boundaries.

Once these boundaries are understood, it’s crucial to remember a few crucial communication techniques. This can facilitate a fruitful conversation about these limitations. Do not forget that your child is the authority in their own life. Even though their method might seem strange to you, it’s crucial to take a step back and pay close attention to what matters to them. Whilst you are not required to agree, it is crucial to respect the boundaries. This also holds true the other way around.

You might have set your own new limitations. Setting some fundamental guidelines for how to differ in this new environment and how to hold one another accountable is crucial.

Recognizing variations

Any kind of partnership will inevitably experience conflict. This can occasionally be brought on by a personality clash, which can be intimidating. Instead, consider honoring your adult child’s individual views and opinions as a way to see this difference. Having divergent opinions, ways of thinking, or even lifestyles, can provide your relationship a special viewpoint that encourages intimacy. Create space for discussions while keeping in mind the principles of how to disagree. This will assist you in understanding these variations rather than avoiding the strange.

Communication

Little children require structure and consistancy. While they attempt to navigate learning about the world around them, you, as the parent, are the expert. We transition from CEO to consultant when these kids become adults. Your insights and experiences are worthwhile. A foundation of trust and respect can be built by being able to provide “professional counsel” without anticipating them to fully execute it. This is related to providing your adult child with a sounding board. Being able to communicate with your adult child without feeling the need to offer specific counsel could also be a very effective approach to hear them differently.

Continue to set aside time for one another

Making time to stay in touch with your adult child is still crucial, whether it be in person or online. An continuing connection and closeness is produced through staying in touch and getting to know one another better. I understand that this appears to be a simple step. But, it might be simple to overlook a fast 5-minute phone conversation as you and your adult child traverse various life milestones or events. These moments of connection, even if it’s just to say “I love you,” are crucial.

It is quite easy to imagine who or what your child will become as an adult from the moment you learn you are going to be a parent. One of the finest ways to keep in touch with your adult child is to let go of expectations and look for small opportunities to be open and present.

InquireTalk’s certified therapists who you can get in touch and book a therapy session with:

Mariella

Sam Gibbons

Lynda Pabari