Frequency of Sex as a Couple: How Often is Totally Normal

Table of Contents

Real Talk about Frequency

• Life Gets in the Way
• New Love vs. Old Love
• Long-Distance Relationships
• Physical Health Problems
• Low Libidos

Why a Lack of Sex Might Be a Horrible Thing for Your Relationship

• Emotional Disconnect
• Stress Build-Up
• Reduced Relationship Satisfaction
• Fear of Infidelity

How to Have More Sex

• Syncing Calendars
• Small Gestures Matter
• Keeping It Fresh
• Communication Is Key
• Prioritize Intimacy
• Mindfulness Practices
• Physical Health and Fitness
• Exploring Fantasies and Kinks
• Flirt Like It’s Day One
• Expressive Communication
• Use Technology
• Plan for Spontaneity
• Physical Touch Outside the Bedroom
• Set the Mood
• Check-ups and Professional Help

The Subtle Signs That You’re Not Getting Enough Sex

• You Don’t Feel the Need to Remain Groomed
• Decreased Emotional Connection
• Increased Irritability
• Sexual Daydreaming
• A Sudden Interest in “Alone Time”
• Feeling Physically Uncomfortable

How Much Sex Is Just Right?

• Your Ideal Number
• Compatibility Check
• Your Body, Your Rules

Sexual Frequency Myths We Gotta Cancel

• The Happier Myth
• The Problematic Less-Sex Myth
• The Compatibility Myth
• The Age-Related Myth

Forget the Sex Numbers, Focus on the Connection

Real Talk about Frequency of Sex

Life Gets in the Way

In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it’s no surprise that finding time for intimacy can be challenging. Work obligations, household chores, and other responsibilities often take precedence over sexual encounters. Many couples find themselves caught up in the demands of their busy lives, leaving little room for quality time with their partner. However, it’s important to recognize that prioritizing intimacy is vital for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

New Love vs. Old Love

The frequency of sex in a relationship can vary depending on the stage of the relationship. In the early stages of a relationship, often referred to as the honeymoon phase, couples tend to have more sex as the passion and excitement are high. However, as the relationship progresses and becomes more long-term, the frequency of sex may naturally decrease. This is not necessarily a cause for concern, as emotional intimacy and connection can become more important in established relationships.

Long-Distance Relationships

Long-distance relationships present unique challenges when it comes to maintaining a healthy sex life. Physical distance can make it difficult to engage in sexual activity regularly. However, there are ways to keep the flame alive even when miles apart. Utilizing technology, such as video calls or sexting, can help couples feel closer and maintain a sense of intimacy. It’s important for couples in long-distance relationships to communicate openly about their needs and desires to ensure both partners feel satisfied.

Physical Health Problems

Physical health problems can significantly impact sexual frequency. Chronic pain, medical conditions, or hormonal imbalances may decrease sexual desire or make intercourse uncomfortable. It’s essential for couples facing these challenges to seek medical advice and explore alternative ways of maintaining intimacy. Communication and understanding between partners are crucial in navigating these difficulties and finding solutions that work for both individuals.

Low Libidos

Individuals with low libidos may experience a lower frequency of sexual activity. Low libido can be influenced by various factors, including stress, hormonal imbalances, medication side effects, or underlying mental health issues. It’s essential for couples to approach this issue with empathy and understanding. Open communication, patience, and exploring strategies to increase sexual desire can help couples navigate the challenges of differing libidos.

Why a Lack of Sex Might Be a Horrible Thing for Your Relationship

Emotional Disconnect

Lack of sexual activity can lead to emotional disconnect between partners. Intimacy, both physical and emotional, is a fundamental aspect of a healthy relationship. Without regular sexual encounters, couples may feel a sense of distance or detachment from each other. It’s important for partners to address this issue and find ways to reconnect emotionally to maintain a strong and fulfilling relationship.

Suggestion for read: 7 Most Frequent Sexual Fantasies

Stress Build-Up

Sexual activity has been shown to reduce stress levels and promote relaxation. When couples have a lack of sex, they may miss out on this important stress-relieving activity. Stress build-up can have a negative impact on both physical and mental well-being, leading to increased tension and conflicts within the relationship. Finding ways to alleviate stress through other means, such as mindfulness practices or engaging in shared hobbies, can help mitigate the effects of a lack of sex.

Reduced Relationship Satisfaction

Sexual intimacy plays a significant role in relationship satisfaction. Couples who have a satisfying sex life often report higher levels of overall relationship satisfaction. When couples experience a lack of sex, it can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and frustration. It’s crucial for partners to address this issue and work together to improve their intimate relationship.

Fear of Infidelity

A lack of sexual activity can sometimes lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and frustration, which may increase the temptation for individuals to seek sexual satisfaction outside of the relationship. Fear of infidelity can arise when one partner feels sexually unfulfilled. Open and honest communication about sexual needs and desires is essential in preventing misunderstandings and maintaining trust within the relationship.

How to Have More Sex

Syncing Calendars

In today’s busy world, schedules can often be hectic and conflicting. Syncing calendars and finding dedicated time for intimacy can help ensure that sexual activity is prioritized. By setting aside specific dates or times for intimacy, couples can create a routine that allows for regular sexual encounters.

Small Gestures Matter

Intimacy is not solely defined by sexual activity. Small gestures of affection and love can go a long way in fostering a sense of closeness and desire between partners. Simple acts such as cuddling, holding hands, or giving compliments can contribute to a more intimate and connected relationship.

Keeping It Fresh

Exploring new experiences and keeping the sexual routine exciting can help increase sexual frequency. Trying new positions, incorporating toys or role-playing, or exploring different locations can add novelty and excitement to the sexual relationship. It’s important for couples to communicate openly about their desires and be willing to explore new possibilities together.

Communication Is Key

Open and honest communication about sexual desires, preferences, and concerns is crucial for a healthy sexual relationship. Couples should feel comfortable discussing their needs and boundaries with each other. Effective communication can help couples understand and fulfill each other’s desires, leading to a more satisfying sexual experience.

Prioritize Intimacy

Intimacy is an essential aspect of a healthy relationship. Making it a priority and setting aside dedicated time for intimate moments can help improve sexual frequency. Whether it’s a date night, a weekend getaway, or even a staycation, creating an environment conducive to intimacy can enhance the overall quality of the sexual relationship.

Mindfulness Practices

Practicing mindfulness can help individuals relieve stress and be more present in the moment. Mindfulness exercises, such as deep breathing or meditation, can help couples relax and connect on a deeper level during sexual encounters. By focusing on the present moment, couples can enhance their sexual experience and improve overall satisfaction.

Physical Health and Fitness

Maintaining good physical health and fitness can positively impact sexual frequency. Regular exercise promotes increased energy levels, improved mood, and enhanced physical endurance. Additionally, maintaining a balanced diet and managing stress levels can also contribute to overall sexual well-being.

Exploring Fantasies and Kinks

Exploring fantasies and kinks can add excitement and variety to the sexual relationship. Open and non-judgmental communication about desires and boundaries is crucial when engaging in new experiences. Couples should approach these explorations with mutual consent and respect for each other’s comfort levels.

Flirt Like It’s Day One

Flirting and playful behavior can reignite the spark in a relationship. Engaging in playful banter, sending flirty text messages, or surprising each other with small gestures of affection can help maintain the excitement and anticipation of sexual encounters. Keeping the flirtatious energy alive can contribute to a more satisfying and frequent sex life.

Suggestion for read: How to Keep Passion Alive

Expressive Communication

Expressing desires, fantasies, and needs to your partner can help create a deeper sense of intimacy and connection. Honest and open communication about sexual preferences can lead to a better understanding of each other’s desires and enhance sexual compatibility.

Use Technology

In today’s digital age, technology can play a role in enhancing sexual experiences. Couples can explore various online resources, such as educational videos, erotic literature, or sex-positive communities, to gain new insights and inspiration. Additionally, incorporating technology into the bedroom, such as using sex toys or engaging in virtual intimacy, can add excitement and novelty to the sexual relationship.

Plan for Spontaneity

While planning for intimacy may seem counterintuitive to spontaneity, creating an atmosphere conducive to sexual encounters can increase the likelihood of spontaneous moments. Setting the mood, preparing the environment, and anticipating intimate moments can help create a sense of excitement and anticipation.

Physical Touch Outside the Bedroom

Physical touch is not limited to the bedroom. Engaging in non-sexual physical affection, such as hugging, kissing, or holding hands, throughout the day can help maintain a sense of intimacy and connection. These small acts of physical touch can contribute to a more satisfying and frequent sexual relationship.

Set the Mood

Creating a sensual and inviting ambiance can enhance the sexual experience. Setting the mood with dim lighting, soft music, or scented candles can help create a relaxing and intimate atmosphere. Taking the time to create a sensual environment can contribute to a more enjoyable and fulfilling sexual encounter.

Check-ups and Professional Help

If a lack of sexual activity persists despite efforts to improve the situation, seeking professional help may be beneficial. Couples counseling or therapy can provide a safe space to explore underlying issues, improve communication, and address any emotional or psychological barriers that may be impacting sexual frequency. Online counseling and therapy services can offer convenient and accessible support for couples seeking guidance in improving their intimate relationship.

The Subtle Signs That You’re Not Getting Enough Sex

You Don’t Feel the Need to Remain Groomed

A lack of sexual activity can sometimes lead to a decrease in personal grooming habits. When individuals feel sexually unfulfilled, they may not feel the need to maintain their usual grooming routines. This can be a subtle sign that the frequency of sex in the relationship is not meeting their needs.

Decreased Emotional Connection

Regular sexual activity fosters emotional intimacy and connection between partners. When couples experience a lack of sex, it can result in decreased emotional connection and a sense of distance. Paying attention to changes in emotional connection can help couples identify and address any issues related to sexual frequency.

Increased Irritability

Sexual activity releases endorphins and promotes relaxation, which can help reduce irritability and stress. When individuals experience a lack of sex, they may be more prone to irritability and mood swings. Recognizing changes in mood and irritability can be an indication that sexual needs are not being met.

Sexual Daydreaming

When individuals are not sexually satisfied in their relationship, they may find themselves daydreaming or fantasizing about sexual encounters. Sexual daydreaming can be a subconscious way of seeking fulfillment and can serve as a sign that the frequency of sex is not meeting their desires.

A Sudden Interest in “Alone Time”

A lack of sexual activity may lead individuals to seek sexual release through masturbation or self-pleasure. If one partner shows a sudden increase in their interest in alone time for sexual gratification, it can be an indication that their sexual needs are not being met within the relationship.

Feeling Physically Uncomfortable

A lack of sexual activity can sometimes result in physical discomfort or tension. When individuals go for extended periods without sexual encounters, they may experience physical discomfort or a sense of unease. Recognizing physical discomfort can prompt individuals to address the issue of sexual frequency and seek solutions to improve their intimate relationship.

How Much Sex Is Just Right?

Your Ideal Number

Determining the ideal frequency of sex in a relationship is highly individual and may vary from couple to couple. It’s essential for partners to have open and honest conversations about their sexual desires and find a frequency that is mutually satisfying. There is no universal standard for how much sex is “just right,” as it ultimately depends on the unique needs and preferences of each couple.

Compatibility Check

Sexual compatibility is not solely determined by the frequency of sex. Couples should consider factors such as communication, emotional connection, and satisfaction with the sexual encounters. It’s important to assess whether both partners feel fulfilled and satisfied in their intimate relationship, rather than focusing solely on the number of sexual encounters.

Your Body, Your Rules

It’s important to remember that each individual has different sexual needs and desires. What may be considered “normal” or “average” for one couple may not be the same for another. It’s crucial for individuals to listen to their own bodies and prioritize their own needs and desires when it comes to sexual frequency.

Sexual Frequency Myths We Gotta Cancel

The Happier Myth

Contrary to popular belief, the frequency of sex does not directly correlate with relationship happiness. While regular sexual activity can contribute to relationship satisfaction, it is not the sole determinant of happiness. Emotional connection, communication, and overall relationship quality are equally important factors in relationship happiness.

The Problematic Less-Sex Myth

There is a common misconception that less sex equals a problem in the relationship. However, the frequency of sexual encounters varies among couples, and what may be considered “less sex” for one couple may be entirely satisfying for another. It’s important to avoid comparing one’s own sexual frequency to societal or cultural expectations.

The Compatibility Myth

Sexual compatibility is not solely determined by the frequency of sex. It encompasses a wide range of factors, including communication, emotional connection, and sexual satisfaction. Couples should focus on open and honest communication, exploring each other’s desires and needs, rather than solely relying on the number of sexual encounters.

The Age-Related Myth

Sexual frequency can change over time, and it is not solely determined by age. While it is common for sexual frequency to decrease as individuals age, it is not a universal rule. Factors such as overall health, relationship satisfaction, and individual preferences play a significant role in determining sexual frequency at any age.

Forget the Sex Numbers, Focus on the Connection

Ultimately, the key to a fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationship is not solely determined by the number of sexual encounters. It’s important for couples to prioritize open communication, emotional connection, and mutual satisfaction. Building a strong foundation of trust, intimacy, and understanding can lead to a more meaningful and enjoyable sexual relationship. Remember, seeking professional help through online counseling and therapy services can provide valuable support and guidance in navigating any challenges and improving your intimate relationship.

At Inquire Talk, we are committed to supporting individuals and couples in their journey towards a happier and healthier relationship. Our online counseling and therapy services provide a convenient and accessible platform for couples to address any concerns and seek guidance in improving their sexual frequency and overall relationship satisfaction.

Inquire Talk certified therapists who you can get in touch and book a therapy session with:

Hal M.

Nick Gendler

Will Hamilton