6 steps: How to help your child with anxiety?

Step 1: Determine the source of the anxiety.

Starting from scratch by “identifying and owning” your worry is crucial. Together, you and the kid will try to clarify and pinpoint the nature of the child’s anxiety. A wonderful place to begin is by discussing how it appears and feels from their point of view. The talk should also focus on identifying patterns of the anxiety and where/how it manifests itself most frequently.

Homework: Spend the week “identifying and claiming” your worry as your homework. If you keep a journal, make sure to record every aspect of any worrisome behavior. The who, what, where, when, why, and how of the situation should be described in detail.

Step 2: Set common Goals that are Realistic and Measurable

In any therapy process, but especially in a CBT-framed approach, setting goals is a crucial stage. Set short- and long-term objectives that are measurable in a way that can be quantified and explicit enough to give the youngster direction. Your individual demands might be met by using a 10-point scale, but you could alternatively create your own “anxiety rating scale” at the child’s educational level. Scalable goals can be tracked over time to help in understanding progress, and also provide a visual for comprehension.

Homework: Write out and post your short-term and long-term goals with your child with anxiety in a place where they can easily see them. It’s also highly advised to put your rating scale next to these objectives.

Step 3: Learn  on Anxiety for Yourself and Your Child with Anxiety

Without the inclusion of education to truly comprehend what is happening, the guide would fall short. In this case, the adage “the more you know, the more you grow” is very true. Without knowing what is truly taking place and why it is taking place would leave you to confront a situation that you don’t fully comprehend. The objective is to provide yourself with the knowledge necessary to communicate to your child about their experience in a way that is relevant and can make sense to a young mind, not to become an expert in the field.

Use this opportunity to discuss with your child how they might recognize their own anxiety once you have taken the time to learn about the more subtle aspects of worry. This can take the form of talking about the reasons why facing our anxieties might feel problematic, what happens in our bodies when worry starts to seep in, and what feels most difficult in anxiety-inducing situations.

Homework: As part of their homework, kids should write or talk about what they learned about anxiety that they didn’t already know and how this knowledge can help them feel less anxious. Look for instructive situations throughout the week that could help to reinforce and support this justification.

Suggestion for read: What Does Children’s Anxiety Look Like?

Step 4: Identify the anxiety triggers 

It’s crucial to identify the “why” in this situation. Why is there initially a problem with anxiety? What led to the anxiety to start? It’s possible that you already have a firm handle on this phase (i.e. getting ready to go to school triggers the anxiety because the pressures of school work feel overwhelming). Try to map out all of your most recent anxious moments and start there if you’re still having trouble identifying the trigger (or triggers; there may be more than one).

The child with anxiety should be involved in this because they are a significant authority on their own distress. Go through how your child feels, thinks, and behaves when a trigger (and the ensuing anxiety) arises once you have a better understanding of the triggers and why they occur. During the following step, where attempting to reduce some of these symptoms will be essential to your child’s progress, understanding these components will be very crucial.

Homework: Practice identifying the “feel, think, act” components of each triggering circumstance. Check if you can spot any similarities. For instance, my child frequently claims to have “forgotten” something in order to miss the bus and avoid going to school. That will enable you to identify these behaviors. The easier it will be to work to change the habit, the more specific you can be about what they feel, think, and do.

Step 5: Build skills to help lessen the triggers 

You’ve already made a lot of progress if you’ve discovered the triggers and the patterns that go along with them. A proactive strategy aims to reduce the triggering reactions. You will create a strategy with your child with anxiety in this phase (which will be continuing) for how to get through the “difficult things” more easily. How do we go about doing that? By honing abilities like situational awareness, realistic thinking, establishing confidence, regaining a sense of control, honing social skills, and building an assertive attitude.

Despite the fact that this is only a small selection of the many potential ways, you must recognize what the trigger is trying to tell you and encourage positive behavior in response. Utilizing the aforementioned illustration, I would collaborate with my child to help him develop a sense of control over his school day (rather than trying to control the day 5 minutes before they leave).

This could take the form of asking kids questions the night before about the school day in order to give them greater control. For example, ask yourself, “What would make you feel more prepared to face the school day?” and then create a strategy around that answer. Put your child in the “driver’s seat” in this situation. What are they going to need to get through these tough times? How do you make that happen as quickly as possible?

Homework: Outline your proactive strategy for the next anxiety-inducing occasion and list the skills that you and your child will practice together to help them feel better about those situations. Focus on honing these abilities in a step-by-step development toward truly “confronting the fear.”

Step 6: Develop coping skills such as mindfulness and relaxation techniques

It’s crucial to continue to teach your child coping mechanisms that will “fill in” when fear and anxiety are difficult to eradicate from their lives as you work to combat the key functions that fear plays in their lives.

By bringing your child’s focus back to the present moment and away from the dread that is causing them to feel anxious, mindfulness exercises can assist.

Having your youngster go through the five senses is one method to accomplish this. They can inquire about what they can taste, smell, hear, touch, and see. Practicing deep breathing is another method for doing this. Inhale for three seconds, then exhale for three seconds while having your child concentrate on their breathing. Use these “recentering” strategies to guide your child’s attention away from anxiety and toward concentration.

Relaxation methods can be equally beneficial and should be customized to your child’s specific anxiety requirements. Find out together what soothes, relaxes, and calms their tensions. Both proactive and reactive relief may be achieved using these.

Suggestion for read: What Does Children’s Anxiety Look Like?

Homework: Try incorporating a daily mindfulness program into your lives as homework. Improve these self-promotional abilities with your child with anxiety so they may utilize them when feeling anxious and you are not present to offer support.

Notes for Parents and Caregivers

• Don’t expect that your child with anxiety will “grow out of it;” anxiety can just as easily rise and escalate if left untreated.
• Be the role model you want your child to grow into by modeling the traits you are working on with them as well as encouraging them to work on these independently.
• Promote play and stress-relieving situations; your child’s independence depends on being stimulated in environments that don’t cause worry.
• Don’t anticipate progress to be straight; frequently, it is wavy and accompanied by numerous setbacks.
• Promoting independent and problem-solving skills, realistic messaging, and confidence are all important components of helping your child cope with worry. All of these will be crucial to their development.
• Pay close attention to your child’s worries; they are just as much in control of this process as you are.
• The secret to success is a gradual approach; it’s okay if the six actions described above take longer than six months.

When to Seek Counselling

At the absolute least, counselling can help you comprehend what your child with anxiety might be going through. A mental health expert will be able to accurately evaluate your child and advise you on how to proceed to help reduce unnecessary concern. A specialist can also assist you in adapting specific techniques to your child’s situation and overcoming any challenging obstacles that are likely to arise.

Yet, it is acknowledged that seeking counseling is not often the first course of action to take given the barriers to therapy, which include accessibility and cost. When determining when to seek professional help for your child with signs of anxiety, there are some crucial symptoms to watch out for.

Initially, assistance must be sought if the child’s anxiety levels are too high. Seeking expert help should also be a top priority if the child’s feeding or sleeping schedules are being affected by the anxiety.

Also, counseling is strongly advised if the child’s anxiety is limiting his or her ability to perform in school or other settings that are not directly related to the specific “anxiety provoking events”. If the child begins to exhibit unexplained physical symptoms (such as headaches, stomachaches, muscle tension, etc.), you should take them to the doctor, who may then recommend a therapist if they believe the symptoms are being brought on by the anxiety.

Clinically significant symptoms such as extreme difficulty concentrating, impatience, restlessness, and exhaustion should be evaluated by a mental or behavioral health doctor. Last but not least, seeking therapeutic care would be necessary if extreme anxiety appeared to be caused by parent/caregiver separation, a specific phobia, a clear social fear, or resulted in the child refusing to speak or experiencing notable panic.

These are qualifiers for potential disorders that should be assessed, diagnosed, and treated by a professional. If you are considering about obtaining therapy for you or your child with anxiety, reach out to someone on our skilled team to help guide you through the next steps of the process.

Check out InquireTalk certified therapists and book a therapy session with:

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