Second marriage difficulties and strategies for overcoming them

It takes bravery to get married a second time since there is always the possibility that your second marriage will turn out to be just like your first.

Remarrying does not mean you are no longer jaded; you are still likely to be dubious and fearful, but you are willing to push past those feelings for the person you love. So, with courage, hope, and resolve, you have now started a second marriage.

Second marriage difficulties

There is definitely a hope that this time around would go more smoothly than the last.

You shouldn’t be concerned about the success rates of second marriages, even though statistics show that the second marriage divorce rate is higher than the first marriage divorce rate. You will go into this marriage with more knowledge after analyzing the bad habits from your first union.

The obstacles or risks of a second marriage will be discussed in this article along with the best ways to deal with them.

1. The difficulty of letting go of the past

Whether you are truly over your first marriage is one of the keys to a happy second marriage. We are all aware of the risks associated with “rebound” relationships, but you may have believed you were free and clear after your previous marriage because it had been a while. Actually, if you haven’t really dealt with whatever happened, time alone isn’t usually enough to lay the past to rest. It’s like pushing all the negative things into your emotional cellar, hoping they won’t come up again. But they do, and generally at the most stressful and awkward times.

Before you can get to a point of acceptance, you must first grieve your losses, whether you endured the death of a spouse or the dissolution of a marriage. You can put the past behind you by forgiving yourself, your ex-spouse, and anyone else who was involved. This doesn’t imply that you condone or approve of what happened; rather, it only means that you’ve made the decision to let go of the past and stop letting it rule you.

When you’re able to accomplish this, you’ll be able to devote all of your attention to building a successful relationship with your new spouse.

2. The difficulty of remembering your lessons

If you can learn from a mistake or negative experience, neither are ever wasted. In fact, some of the most important lessons you may acquire from your first marriage may be the ones that make or ruin your second marriage. Therefore, you must carefully consider what worked and didn’t the first time. This understanding can be useful in determining what contributes to a good marriage.

Remember that there are always two sides to every story, so be truthful about the role you played. Are there any aspects of your conduct that you find challenging to deal with, and how do you intend to alter them? Be extremely clear about the characteristics of your ex-spouse that you could not stand, and then refrain from dating anyone who had those same qualities.

You could give your second marriage a great head start if you take on the challenge of effectively applying the lessons you learned from your previous marriage.

Suggestion for read: Being the Second Wife’s Challenges

3. Children’s challenges

The presence of children in a second marriage is unquestionably a prevalent issue. There are a number of instances where you or your new spouse have children while the other does not, or you both do. Whatever your unique variant, you must carefully consider all the ramifications. Remember that kids typically take some time to warm up to a new parent (or stepparent).

According to some research, it might take two families up to five years to properly “blend.” Consider how many schedules will need to be adjusted to accommodate visitation schedules with other parents and holiday plans. Parenting practices and how to discipline kids are two topics that frequently spark a lot of conflict. When the biological parent is not present, you and your spouse especially need to be on the same page in this situation.

It is not difficult to raise children in your second marriage, despite what some people may believe. Children are undoubtedly a blessing, and you can experience this firsthand by creating a unique blended family.

Additionally, if “step-children causing marriage problems” is a worry you have while thinking about getting remarried, you should consider it, talk to your partner about it, and even seek help from a family therapist for official intervention.

4. The difficulty of divorce

Unless you have been widowed, second marriages typically involve one or two ex-spouses. Even while the majority of divorcing spouses are able to get along amicably and decently, this isn’t always the case when people remarry following a divorce. Keep in mind that your new spouse will need to communicate with his or her ex-spouse to set up visitation, pick-ups, and other logistical issues if there are children involved.

This brings us full round to the first and second challenges, which are letting go of the past and taking away lessons from it. You ought to be able to move through with your second marriage without incident if these two things have been properly addressed.

In the event that you don’t, you might develop codependent tendencies, particularly in cases of abuse, addiction, and the presence of a manipulative or pathological ex. A second marriage will have issues if an ex-spouse is overly involved in it in any way. Additionally, it’s crucial to be open and honest about the circumstances of your prior divorce and to agree with your new spouse regarding the ex’s role, whether or not there are children involved.

Do not be afraid to seek counseling or therapy if you are suffering with getting married again after a divorce.

5. The financial difficulty

Money, cash, cash! We simply cannot avoid it… Furthermore, regardless of whether it is a first or second marriage, one of the major challenges married couples confront is money. In actuality, trust and money go hand in hand. A married couple must decide whether to merge their incomes or maintain separate accounts when they are married.

Most people have experienced significant financial losses and failures during their divorce before getting married a second time, leaving them considerably more financially susceptible than they were during their first marriage.

Being entirely honest and open with one another at the outset of getting married after a divorce is another crucial component of a successful second marriage or the best method to face the difficulty of finances. After all, you both need to learn to trust one another and be open and honest about any spending or debts you may have if you want your marriage to last.

6. The difficulty of committing

Due to your previous experience with divorce, you may be more accepting of the potential of a second one if this is your second marriage. This may be the case whether you are aware of it or not. Although nobody intends to have a second marriage, it is a possibility if things go difficult.

According to several studies, this ‘normalization’ of divorce may be one of the main causes of second marital failure. The best method to overcome this difficulty is to fully devote to your second marriage rather than trying to determine how long second marriages continue. Even if you may have already gone through a divorce, you have the option to consider it your first and last divorce. Keep in mind that happy second marriages are not the exception.

Now that you have made a lifelong commitment to your second spouse, you may both work tirelessly to make your marriage partnership as lovely and special as possible and to address issues unique to second marriages while presenting a united front.

Inquire Talk certified therapists who you can get in touch and book a therapy session with:

John Hilsdon

Pete Tobias

Nick Gendler