How can you improve your listening skills?

Effective communication is crucial for healthy and happy relationships. However, communication is not just about speaking, it also involves listening. In fact, listening is one of the most important aspects of communication in a relationship. It helps you understand your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and needs, and allows you to respond in a way that is empathetic and supportive.

Unfortunately, many people struggle with listening skills, which can lead to misunderstandings, arguments, and even the breakdown of the relationship. The good news is that listening skills can be improved with practice and dedication. In this article, we will explore practical tips to help you improve your listening skills in a relationship.

Whether you are in a romantic relationship or a friendship, these tips can help you become a better listener, build stronger connections, and cultivate a more fulfilling relationship.

You must be aware that your spouse is speaking to you in order to be able to listen. Stop what you’re doing and pay close attention to what they’re saying if you’re busy and you hear them speaking to you. Tell them that you will be with them soon if you are unable to accomplish that. While learning how to listen better in a relationship, keeping this in mind is one of the most crucial things to do. You are already invalidating their feelings if they don’t feel recognized. When someone is too preoccupied with what they are doing to notice that their spouse is speaking to them, miscommunication results.

Instead of assuming your partner is aware, it simply takes a few seconds of your day to let them know you’ll be with them in a moment. You know they can’t read your mind?

Say sorry

If you didn’t hear your partner the first time, say sorry and make an effort to make things right. A second apology won’t help in the same circumstance, so try to prevent it from happening again. Also, if your spouse is attempting to inform you that something you did was wrong, apologize if you are in fact at fault.

Don’t just sit there and listen to them complain about your errors. Apologize and demonstrate your improvement. Just expressing your regret whenever you feel necessary will help you to be a better listener, especially when they don’t feel sufficiently noticed or when you have offended them.

Write down what your spouse says.

If your partner claims that you frequently forget things, make a note of it. Set an alarm on your phone or computer, post it somewhere obvious, or both. It always helps to write everything down if your reason for forgetting what they’re saying isn’t that you didn’t pay enough attention.

Suggestion for read: How to Listen More Effectively in Relationships

You won’t have a reason to forget what they just told you if you do this. With this piece of advise, you are taking responsibility for your listening abilities.

Recognize what they’re saying

Knowing the languages you and your partner speak is not enough. You should carefully consider what they are saying. You need to be aware of its implications for you. Also, if they are discussing a problem, you should be aware of how you can assist them. Consider what they are saying as well as the words that are coming out of their mouth. Reading these signs, even when the words are not spoken aloud, is the key to being a good listener. Speak to them in their language and attempt to understand what they mean.

Avoid offering unwelcome counsel

Wait for them to beg for your assistance. Don’t leave it at that if they don’t ask for it. Ask them if they require your assistance. Some individuals genuinely simply need someone to listen to them, and your partner is one of those people. It’s better to ascertain whether someone is seeking help or just someone to listen before offering unsolicited advise. If it’s the latter, that’s your sole assurance that you can advise them.

Don’t just give them advise they never asked for in the first place if you want to learn how to be a better listener in a relationship. Know when to offer advise and when to just listen.

Don’t cut them off

It’s tougher to remember what someone is saying when you interrupt them during their speech. It’s also impolite. Your partner might hold it against you. Hence, if you want to address the subject, wait until they pause or finish speaking. How would you feel if they continually cut you off when you were saying something crucial? We have a good feeling that you wouldn’t like that. Thus, stop interrupting them if you want to be a good listener in your relationship. Let them to finish their sentences before speaking.

Recognize what they’re saying.

Don’t just sit there and listen to your partner talk. Always give them a hearty nod, or recognize them with words like “Yeah,” “Uh-huh,” “I see,” or anything else that fits the topic. If you don’t genuinely pay attention or show interest in the conversation, how will people know? To your spouse, these seemingly insignificant body language cues mean the world and inspire them to keep going.

Try your best to provide for their needs.

Try to keep in mind to oblige your partner if they ask you for something you are able to supply. If there is something you are unable to do for them, explain why and make sure they understand. Yet, if all they’re asking for is the basic minimum, you ought to at least grant it.

Maybe all they want is a little more time with you or for you to be more vulnerable. You should make an effort to behave better in this situation, especially since it undoubtedly took a lot of courage on their part to talk about what was bothering them.

Finish your conversations

Never quit a conversation before it is over. This could result in miscommunication. Always check to see if your companion needs anything else. Before the conversation concludes, make sure the topic you are discussing is settled. Don’t simply leave after concluding that the talk is ended.

They might have more to say, but because you’re almost out the door, they won’t even bother. Do not worry if they want to discontinue the conversation on their own. Please remember to keep in mind what has previously been mentioned. But if you’re serious about improving your listening skills in a relationship, don’t wrap up their conversation for them. Watch for them to indicate when it is finished.

Keep your temper under control.

Whatever your partner says, always pause before responding. Do not ride the same waves with them if they are combative and explosive. To tackle any issue you are facing, be composed and use common sense. As a general guideline, avoid trying to match your partner’s rage or aggression if they are furious or violent. You shouldn’t aggravate their temper further because it is already terrible enough. Being cool under pressure is always the best course of action when there is conflict.

Do not be distracted

Avoiding distractions is the first guideline of good listening. If you are always looking at your phone during chats, your partner will feel upset and ignored. Glancing at your phone while speaking to someone implies that you have something more important to do than talk to them, which minimizes their sentiments.

It’s crucial to put your phone away and give your lover your whole attention while you listen. This is how you may effectively listen and communicate at the same time.

Establish eye contact

The most intimate thing is eye contact, especially in a relationship. If you don’t look at them when they’re talking, you can’t improve your listening skills in a relationship. Not only is eye contact sensual, but it also gives your spouse a sense of recognition and understanding.

Looking at them when they’re talking about their emotions provides them the assurance that you do care. So instead of focusing on something else, occasionally look at their eyes.

Matching their energy

You need to match their energy in a relationship if you want to learn how to listen better. The same applies for your partner as you want people to feel your energy in any interaction. When your companion is enthusiastically sharing their day with you, try your best to reflect that same passion. Avoid being sterile and uninteresting in your response because doing so will indicate that you don’t care about what they have to say and that they are boring you. Show your lover that you care because this is the exact opposite of how they want to feel.

Consider their words.

An apology won’t be enough when your partner talks about the things you did that upset them. Including the words they omit from mentioning, you must process all they say. Change your conduct and improve after giving their remarks some thought and recognizing what they’re trying to tell you.If you know you’ve done something wrong, say you’re sorry, but don’t stop there because communication is a two-way street. Modify your behavior and make every effort to get better for both your relationship and yourself.

Improve your listening skills. Now is the time to really listen

You’ve taken the first step toward improving your listening skills. Now, doing the work only requires effort and initiative. The most crucial thing to keep in mind is to always validate your partner’s emotions, even if you don’t understand them or don’t care about their difficulties. Simply be present for them and pay attention to how they are feeling.

InquireTalk certified therapists who you can get in touch and book a therapy session with:

Hal M.

Ioanna Matte

Dr Simona Cassar